Saturday, May 30, 2009

I Don't Understand!

GOODNESS....I LOVE TALENTED/LYRICAL FOLKS!!!
Such a Powerful & Profound piece by two teens!!







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DR. FiLL

I must've laid back in that chair for hours
Walking in circles with my words and skipping loops with my fingers
as i wrapped you around me
i lingered and there, at the brink of my epiphany
i realized, you were never mines
I could've said those words a thousand times
but today they held a pitch
and as if a switch had clicked within the basement of my heart
The lights came on
So full of PHiLosophy yet lacking a new direction
So full of hypocrisy and this is my only Question
"how does it make you Feel?"
stupid
low
empty
So now you keep trying to Fill a vacant space...
And I'm only asking because of that look upon your face, beckoning me to remember...
It was mid-November and we had yet "another again"
swaping identities
claiming to be just friends
so intangled,
angled in hidden degrees
only ponds of love
but we were swimming in forbidden seas
as you parted your lips letting lyrics spill onto me...

"How does it Feel"

D'Angelo was muted by what you had to say.
All I could think was "since when did you ask the questions"?!
So shocked by your aggression I mustered out "lies" with no discretion
I Don'T Care!
and from then and there we have been on the rocks...
just going along, but hoping it would finally stop.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Eat Your Words

I dished these few words out to a friend over a year ago & today i'll have them for breakfast ; )

sOmetimes tears cried yesterday will stain our face and smear the pain on every tomorrow...
"HOW SCARY IS THAT"???
.............iTz one thing to feel the pain & flashback, but to isolate it and manage a numbness .....man.....thatz when we find ourselves in danger....when we can't "fEEL" whatz hurting...wE tend 2 hurt repeatedly and although we maintain the numbness, we still traumatize the emotions...and as a result the pain is visible even if its never felt!!! wOw....."HOW SCARY"................



I LOVE RE-READING WHAT I WRITE YEARS/MONTHS LATER....IT ALWAYS TEACHES ME A NEW LESSON!! =)

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Temporary Insanity

And He said "love will make you do some crazy things".

Well,Love has me walking out
Love has me taking care of myself
Love has me doing ME
and if suddenly all of this makes me crazy
I wanna make this permanent
I plead guilty
Don't need your filthy excuses of why you do what you do
No longer needing you
I'm ready to serve my time
I'll pay for the crime of confusing love with possession
so done with abusing love with your obsession
so done with silence, so I'm confessing
I've "lost my mind", but it's a blessing
no longer over-thinking or over-stressing
so glad, i finally learned my lesson
*sigh.....case dismissed. =)


...when ya mind's made up & your heart's in the right place:FREE!

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If I Wrote A Note to God...

This girl is Amazing! Pretty much the Next Celine Dion!
Sixteen Yr. Old Charice Pempengco.
-been tracking her for about 2 or 3yrs now....
Written by: Diane Warren.


Saturday, May 23, 2009

Sign.Language.

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*LOL...for the record, i actually Like Picasso's work! ;o)

Shhhh!!! It's a SECRET!

Every January I usually get really amped and excited about the Victoria Secret semi-Annual sale! However, for the past two years, the sale has been at random moments when customers are least expecting them!! Whatever happened to standard January and July sales??? Yesterday I just so happened to be in the mall and of course I HAD TO see what was new in Vicky's! I step in and instantly find myself digging in sale bins like a crack-head vacuuming concrete for crack?! It was pretty sad...and then as i scurried from one bin to the next, becoming intangled in pantie and bra bundles, I was interrupted by a dramatized, over-zealous bubbly voice: "WOULD YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE 15% off today's purchase, you get free panties and beauty products in the mail, and bladi bladi blah"!! With the same hesitation as usual, i declined and kept searching! The funny thing is I always "happen upon" the sales, I know they're coming every year, and still i walk into the store and suddenly fall into a trance as i weigh down my little frame with every enticing sale item i can get my hands on! ....So there I am, shopping with both arms dangling aquas, purples and peaches and an array of various bra types and textures, when suddenly someone hands me the big shopping bag, helps me stuff my products in, and without warning begins measuring me for size! Now if i was of another race/culture, I'd appreciate the ongoing defiance of my body, however, i am black, i love the structure of a black woman's body (as in I appreciate what GOD gave us & I love being black; nothing less or more; don't misconstrue the words! lol)...but Yeah...I'm black...Whatever happened to itty-bitties, small waisted and hippy, big booty sistahs....have we vanished....are we extinct??! LMBO...like really...what's in the food cuz I'm well beyond puberty (or so i thought) but no matter how much weight I lose, they stay put?! like Omg what gives?!! lol....I was so convinced losing some weight meant you'd lose some of "the girls"...Or at least that's what Dr. OZ had me believing...but what does he know...he's a heart surgeon!! ;-o...Anyhoo....The sale was great...I'm actually online maximizing my sale right now and while I can't stand getting at least three proposals to open an account, I LOVE THE SEMI-ANNUAL SALE!! So Shhhh!!! CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET...I Over-spent! ;-)


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There's nothing like feeling like a "BAD" chick from the inside out! lol...It's one thing to have on a cute lil. dress, some nice stilettos, and a fresh pedi, but i don't know, a new pair of v-strings and a sexy bra always boost my confidence just a bit further?! lol...weird, but if beauty reflects from the inside out, it's what people don't see (or in my case what they wont...yes I'm "one of those") that really does the trick! So no, nobody special gets to see how cute it all looks, but can't a girl just buy it for herself??! And don't get me wrong, The body-type I "envy" is not so much typical at all...it's just some prototypical 1970's chick gracing all the 1970's shows/movies! And gol-ly, please forgive me if i seem ungrateful for what I have cuz lawd knows i'd rather have plenty than complain cuz i don't have any, but *sigh....yeah yeah i'll get over-it; i always do! I actually love what i got 9 out of 10 days, but this just so happens to be day 10 so WHAT GIVES?! x-o
LMbo...ok i'm being dramatic, enough said....catch that sale people...before it ends (and comes around unannounced...again! Rrr!).

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New Moon

I can't wait....are they seriously going to make us wait until November?? Like OMG that's brutal!! lol...I just watched the first one for the second time....His intensity slowly builds...I love it...he's never in a rush about anything and he wants so badly to lose control, yet he fears he'll be overtaken by his desires if he does....that's hott!!! lol...i'm a control freak, so when a guy actually manages to have me ready and willing to lose control (Requires So much TRUST!) it'll be a done deal!.....Edward & Bella will fall short in comparison to my unleashed love! lol...

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....And so it goes: a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it....but STILL IT FALLS!! .....a heart no longer beats and no one is around to love it...and so it breaks Beyond repair!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Vaporized

I GOT THIS ICE/BOX /WHERE/ MY HEART/ USED/ TO BE....funny...cuz it still looks like WATER to me??! Guess you went and changed Love's chemistry, but you could not change the history, so we are still here. That's exactly why I steer clear of all your familiar gestures and "random" acts of kindness; I refuse to melt the ice. So no, we can't be "nice friends" thinking it's cool to spend nights and weekends together. We can't be those people who cordially laugh and joke and hug and linger as if we're oh so clever enough to outsmart love. I can be as cold as ice, but somewhere there are little droplets of rain. and not from love, but from pain. I bleed just to stay sane and you can leave, but you remain drowning within my wounds. You sick sadistic lion! I am the lamb, yet you keep prying open windows of opportunities...only to stop and stare. And yet it's not like you care to dine on this feast of love, instead you simply dream of "what ifs" and "maybes"....and maybe that's why i can see right through the ice. So hard at first, but one glimpse reveals the pools of love behind your stare. So you shun the light afraid the truth will find you there...and it has. So in broad daylight you hide behind your mask, masquerading an untold past of "could've beens". And what should've been is no longer an option! I am no longer stopping the ice from melting...like immunizations, the pain is helping to rid me of You. And soon I will be through. Like vapors, love is dew, but it cannot rest upon me.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

YOU Would Never Know...

The Words I never said...

In the heat of the moment, I let you sizzle and burn. Instead of being calm, cool, and collective, I added to the flames! I let you silence me when I silence myself for no one. You had never been so sure of anything in your life, but that day, I let you feel so secure with lies! You claimed my love was cold, so i froze; I vowed never to melt again. Before, I had been like puddles, flooding the doors to your heart...the heavens were leaking, so In Love, I fell like rain. But that was before the storm...

These days I can replay our moments like songs, but I have yet to learn the lyrics. Like listening to the wind, you never truly hear it until something is blown away...so there goes love...and all the words I have to say cannot undo the past.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Got Wings????

Hold me close and i'll LOVE,
you have my word.
Let me go to soon and I'll FLY just..
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Killing Time

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Losing blood or bleeding love...i just don't know anymore.

Time keeps ticking along without me, i'm stuck,

wrapped up in silence and these are my dying words....

Time Kills....

I've bitten my tongue so many times and now i keep bleeding love,
you're all i think of.....
I've been killing Time with lies, so indenial, but now it kills me to be so silent!
And again, the cat gets away with my tongue...
i'm a loaded gun, but fear has me locked on safety, if only my words could escape me it gets so crazy sometimes i swear i Hate Me for being so stupid and supressed in
love
just cuz i wear my cheekbones high with smilin eyes and make-up to cover my scars
I say what's up because so much has fallen down
I smile although my heart decorates the ground

So now Time is killing me......

how slow it goes aches the crevaces of my soul
and healing has never taken so long
Healing is on a midnight train to Georgia and that's such an old song
I've replayed the record so many times and still lyrics escape my mind
If only i could find the write words to say to my pen
If only i could find the hands of time and restart them again
I'd blow the wind back into my body and breathe fresh Air
and then i'd stop there...
you were so stale, love was like a blank sky suffering from a pale blue
and the grass stood tall but it never blew in the wind of romance
such a perfect stance, but who wants love to stand still
so many people would kill for a love standing the test of time
but i would simply kill to have a love all mine
and there it goes
my heart
out on the line
cold and frozen
waiting for the sun to shine
drying like raisins amongst our dirty laundry i have aired
Blaring Red
bleeding
from all the things i never said
and at last the part i dread most


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Time wins and Love becomes our ghost...

a long-awaited, long graduation day!

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After a long busy day, graduating, and not to mention rushing to church to do a few "spoken word" pieces....I was able to sit down with my good friends/my sisters and just TAKE IT ALL IN!!! I am now a College Graduate...well Again! lol...Not being able to attend the ceremony for my A.A degree was actually a great thing in disguise...it made me value the ceremony for my bachelors so much more! While these three chicks above will be apart of the rest of my life, it's crazy to realize I have just parted ways with some of the best years I will ever have! So many great memories, so many wonderful people and loving roommates(MEGAN,STEPH,MICHELLE,DENISHA & LIBBY Libs)....I will miss it all! My first three years of college, i was more concerned with LEAVING...but during my senior yr. i realized everything I left would Leave an impression on me!

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Crazy "Girls Night In"-Steph,Megan, Ericka, Michelle, me.

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One last time with Libbs and Denisha after graduation! ={
If only I could find the Write words to say to my pen; I'd write our wrongs & erase your sins, I'd forget the beginning, skip-write to the end and lay my heart on lines...