Monday, December 14, 2009


Okay, so this is 2009, and I know, as women, we've come a long way from the submerged 1950's chick drowning in a sea of filthy laundry "too dirty to air", And we've Emerged from the bondage of social stigmas telling us we aren't allowed to make the 1st move, BUT GOODNESS....can't we still expect a man to Know How to pursue us?! and can't we sit back and let him do the chasing without any desire to make it easy...if that's what we choose??

Obviously NOT!

Is it just me or have men lost their "tactics" and skill when it comes to approaching a woman?! I recently read Steve Harvey's Book :ACT LIKE A LADY, BUT THINK LIKE A MAN and he said when a man approaches you, he's always plotting and scheming; he always has a plan and somewhere in that plan...HE HOPES TO SLEEP WITH YOU! (my mother would love this as her speech since my diaper days have been "they only want One thing"! lmbo) While i don't think Steve Harvey meant to say That's all men want, He still put it plain & simple...Men want it and basically they're estimating how long they'll wait and how hard they'll work to get it...from the moment they take interest.

My thing is: Ok, I get this...I even accept are visuals...& truth be told, we all want it eventually. (That's not to say it's our sole intent!) BUT WHY IS IT that these days, a man's way of letting you know he's interested is "HOW YOU DOIN".....HOW BOUT YOU DON'T! like seriously, every guy, whether he's 23, 27, 30, 38, or 15 ( i look young x-/) comes up with the same lame idea to say How You Doin'....AND NOTHING MORE!! AND then they sit there in your face, staring...HARD...obnoxiously looking over the outfit (Steve talks about this as well) and vaguely paying attention to your response for the actual question....As if they're simply waiting for you to take it from there!!??? As if They did the hard part by coming over to approach you, now you have to show some kind of obvious delight before they'll go out on a limb to say another word??! lmbo....UHHH HOW BOUT YOU DON'T ( i will look at you totally unimpressed...with nothing more to say, but "good" i keep it pushing!) ugh....

SO, There's this guy....he's 15yrs older than me...a colleague...SWAGG for days (can't believe i noticed, but YES)....nice car, great educational background (HBC is a plus), dresses nice, even walks like he'll run the show...if you let him. BUT for some odd reason, he can't get past saying "HOW YOU DOIN' MS. EDWARDS" with those googly eyes and parted lips...nearly 4/5 times a day!!!! Like what gives??! I swear...i'm out payin my car note...a guy's checking me out (early 20's) i catch his eyes "HOW YOU DOIN?"...I'm on a feild trip with my kids (from work), the bus driver, 21 (he decided to vent "aloud"...riiight), stares me down from the rear view mirror (like omg watch the road...HOW BOUT YOU DON'T KILL ME BEFORE you try to holla??!)...then when i'm exiting the bus...AT THE END OF THE FREAKIN TRIP...yep...smh..."HOW YOU DOIN??"'s like cummon what's up?! Is it just me....Or have women made it so easy for men to get what they want, alot of men lack luster when it comes to actually trying?! Instead they admire you like crazy...just to ask "HOW YOU DOIN" and see how YOU take it from there?! smh....i don't have the patience or time & i'm liable to say how YOU Wendy Williams taught me right! ;) lmbo....i'm done with it
hmmm...And then there's that other book "He's Just Not that Into You"??!! lmbo....but as for the "colleague"...i've heard through the grapevine (& he's diggin' me)...SO i don't I being stubborn??? maybeee....but i just can't make it easy; i feel he's too old for this...and i'm too....well...too.....I SWEAR...I am still part-feminist x=p
*And not all of 'em come at me with "HYD" but still...too many do! It's like the ones who say more are with that "can i be your friend" movement; they missed the catch phrase guys! lol..
...and then i wonder if my response seems so lack-luster itself...they conclude i'm not interested??'s possible?!
& perhaps someone, somewhere is responding to my HOW BOUT YOU DON'T with an OH, DON'T. EVEN!


Niku said...

sure, a lot of girls are comfortable with the guy pursuing them, rather than the other way around. but my girls and I were talking about this the other. perhaps women should make the first move too. It doesn't have to come off as desperate. It's actually quite see something you like, and you make an effort in getting it, or least getting to know him. Guys want to know that you're interested too.

Shandra E...*the misses said...

Niku, I does show maturity & Security! However, "HOW YOU DOIN" is what poses the problem for me...EVERYBODY SAYS i get caught up in giving the monotoneous response "good, fine, etc" before i even realize "OH, was that your way of letting me know you're 'NOTICING' me"?? And even if they come back 2/3 times later with the same greeting, it's like it too hard to say a little more, try a little harder, go the distance???

Otherwise, besides giving an obvious reply to the question, what Am i left with: "smiling and staring for a little longer than usual, lip biting"??? LMBO...Because really, since when does "how you doing" turn into this deep, let's get to know each other dialogue??? it's like you answer, return the phrase & it's a robotic experience?! People rarely ask that question with pure motives anymore/in California (southern Hospitality does NOT exist in the West)!! It's just a way of saying hello...a rhetorical statement used to acknowledge someone's pressence & nothing more (for most people today).

but overall, as i stated...I agree with you....we should know what we want & apart of that is knowing how to get what it is we want! There's nothing wrong with that, & perhaps we've been so accustomed to doing "nothing", we ourselves don't know how to go about showing "interest" without seeming like Loose, eager/fast, women??!! it's a skill! lol....But seriously, too much flirtation, no matter how subtle, when it's too much, will always come off as "sexually mature"...rather than just Mature...Men think about sex all the time so it'll only make it harder (not impossible, but harder)for them to see beyond our sexuality.

Shandra E...*the misses said...