Saturday, April 10, 2010

1 to 10: Speechless, but for so Long...

"1 to 10 is basically writing down that 1 thing I wish I could say to 10 different people but...cant, won't or just haven't. And I don't say who they are".

Thanks to Robyn Latice at I was inspired to do this post...We can only remain "speechless", but for so long.....

1. "Almost made you love me, Almost made you cry" you were so jealous and I still don't know why, because you never loved me....and you never showed me what TRUE love was.....
"Almost made you happy Babe, didn't I...didn't I?? (smh...always left me wondering)...& you Almost had me thinkin' you were turned around, BUT everybody knows ALMOST DOESN'T COUNT".

....So just yesterday, when you came so close...close enough to peer into my eyes,

I hope you realized...

I'm Done.

2. I don't know what to do about you...I don't need you and I'm not sure when I stopped wanting you, but it's been this way for so long and I'm comfortable. I can't say I'd hate to see you go, because I always hated when you'd come into my world turning everything upside down. I just don't know that you're ready to be "written off", still if life's some great novel...why were you written into it in the first place??! I swear, most people have beating hearts, but mine pounds from all the drama you cause! And though I hate DRAMA, as most people do...i'm one in a few who actually cares enough to love you.

...But when you're gone

because you finally walked away for good

I'll cry, grieve, and feel guilty as I should

still i can't say i'd want you back.

3. What has it been nearly 3yrs?? How do you just forget?! Where have you been?! Where did you go...why didn't you take me with you?! Our widowed friendship stays on my mind a lot and in your absence, i'm left to wonder if I'm the only one who cared...was I the only one who meant "forever" said we'd go to hell & back only to survive...i went to hell & back & i'm the only one alive...STILL IT'S CRAZY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT just disappeared and your memory is still HERE.

I told you I couldn't have anymore AWOL characters in my life...

and you must've totally disregarded everything i felt.

4. It's okay to let people in, even when you fear they won't stay for good...otherwise you'll always be alone. Imagine it all like a home...with visitors, guest, & residents. Don't give everyone the key. Know that some people were never destined to stay. Some people were never supposed to leave. Others will always want to merely see what you have to offer, but they can give you nothing in return. If it's not will be. When it's broken there's a song, a poem, & a God to fix it all :)

Keep beating

someone will learn to dance

5. You expected So little of me and daily I give you more! I will never be HER and SHE will NEVER be ME.

I long to be your Beautiful let down.

6. When you said "I love you More than you could ever know", I was hoping you'd make it your mission to show me. And perhaps you did, and I was too blind and stubborn to see.

They say the eyes are windows to the soul

so I kept my eyes open, with my heart shut closed

But i suppose you found an "opportunity" :)

7. If this is what they call "growing pains", i've grown numb and the pain is as null as my feelings. Still I could never rid myself of you and i'd never want to. I pray we grow apart only to Grow UP. But I hope we find ourselves "together" again.

True Friends never last
a day past the end.

8. Sometimes I can be so selfish and too self-absorbed to notice you're waiting on me. And sometimes I become so self-sufficient I fail to let YOU help, when I know i could NEVER do it all myself. Sometimes I even lump you into a category with him, as if you could ever fail...
Live In Me.
I need You.

9. Like no other on earth i trust you and you make me feel so secure. And someday you'll make some lady feel like she's the happiest on earth and I'll be so proud to say: "he made me happy first"! lol...basically, you remind me that there are genuine lovers out there with hearts as big as mine. With wounds as steep as mines. With a future as bright as mines because we remind each other to love anyhow :)
And just because we've been wounded
never conclude we're damaged
doesn't even mean we come with emotional baggage
But experience will teach you to learn the hard lessons ONCE.

10. I probably shouldn't waste another one on YOU, but "a part of me" still sees another part of you and 'that part' of me still loves 'that part' of you. So i wonder, If we unveiled every layer of our hearts and kept it all the way real...If we faced our fears and insecurities and allowed ourselves to feel. If we kept our words limited to Truth, this post would bare the proof...
love is a book
we could write the sequel
brand new story
same two people.

Shandra e.
NO i was not "trying" to be all sappy, rhymy and "poetic", lol...When I start expressing my inner feelings, it's hard to escape allegories/poetry because too often i hide behind it. Still, i tried...and more than not, i failed! lol..


RoByn LaTice said...

1,8,& 10..wrote my heart to 3 diff people. This was so nice.

Chymere said...

I swear you are one of my favorite writers...your words do a million things to me at one we are poetically related on a last name basis!!! And I feel like i've abandonned you for too long! I'm making it up right now! (yes at 5am eastern time) lol

fav:love is a book
we could write the sequel
brand new story
same two people

Niku said...

this is a great idea. i can relate to 4&8. you are great at expressing yourself.