lovers and friends: Me, my pad and my pen...

more like my book.of.faces

2011-08-04T03:31:00.000-07:00

it's funny how the moment you start getting old, you see the world with new eyes....

♥ Shandra e.

Walking The Line

2011-08-04T02:47:00.000-07:00

If there's a thin line, I suppose we were made for the tight-rope,

cuz as crazy as this may be, for the 1st time,

this feels like balance to me.

I don't have to choose; there is nothing left to lose, so what more can we prove?

This is the after-life.

Life, after love.

And what becomes of us, no longer matters...

I've seen smiles die and choke residual laughter.

I've seen the light smothered in darkness, or so it seems...

(everything is darkened in the inbetween)...I've seen,

eyes blinded by love and love blinded by lust,

lust discovered...you were busted with someone else.

I've seen "you" vanish right before my eyes, unopened.

And my soul was more than a window, it was a door you left wide open.

When you left, so much hurt was left unspoken, so i climbed into beds

hoping for comfort in between soiled sheets...

sheets soiled with tears, crying out for the real "me".

I used to think love took us from ourselves,

drifted us to the "far away" and rested us on shelves, held high in the palms of God.

And who we became...was more than absent-minded;

we were tin-men, rustin', dying to have a heart.

So we clicked our bloody heels and chased yellow-brick pavements,

until we met a fork in the road, feasted on lies,

and now when people ask, our story remains untold,

our truth: yet to unfold,

our status: potential platinum, stagnate at mere gold...

we could've been a hit, but for now this is it...

palms split

hearts quit

arrested on this line____________________

don't resuscitate me.

leave me before i choose our fate

right here, after love

somewhere drifting towards hate...

in the inbetween...

walking this thin line....

Shandra e.

*written in May 2011 (figured it paired nicely with my last/impromptu blog below).

because the silence seems so loud...

2011-08-04T02:13:00.000-07:00

I waved hello, knowing it was our last goodbye

I smiled and spoke words with my eyes, that belonged to someone else

I drowned in your silence, while screaming for help

I enabled you to forgive yourself for making a grand mistake...

because they say, "there's a thin line between love and hate"....

I chose the inbetween.

... I rather confuse you with sweet NOTHINGS than submit to the silence.

Shandra e.

Shandra e. (the misses)....*Update

2011-02-18T16:34:00.000-08:00

I have been M.I.A.....here, but not 'here' for a long time!!!

I think i'll stick around for a while though...lately i've had a lot to say...i've been living...and thinking...and well, thinking some more! lol...

I've been fortunate to CHECK OFF things on my 25 by 25 list and i'll share in another post! :)

as for now, i'm just glad to be back.....i've got a new spin on love&life, and still anything spinning goes in circles....lol...meaning it aint 'brand' spankin' new...but my perspective now has a little more bite, less bark....i'm trying to be a woman of my word these days & these days my womanhood consist of being in HIS word ;)

so idk, stick around if you dare :)

♥ Shandra e. (..the misses)

BITTER-SWEET LIES & A Salty Surprise ;)

2011-02-18T16:17:00.000-08:00

you couldn't bench press the future with those dreams....
"lighten up"??
naw feather weight, i say it's light enough....
so turn out the lights; i wanna see you fight for reality!
turn out the lights; i'll show you just what you have in me...
a keeper.
& like the grim reaper, sleep walkin in ya sleepers, cleanin' wounds like street sweepers...
i cheated death, stole thru the night like tlc creepers.....
ha!...look at you..so eager..
look at you...can't please 'er....
look at you..
revenge couldn't be sweeter,
taught you a lesson before you could ever leave 'er.....
& now you need 'er??...
ha!..the tables are turned, but you can't feed 'er...
you can't feed 'er.....
ha!...you can't feed 'er!
x-D

freshly free-styled/hot off my (empty) plate

*Shandra e.

when i grow up...."i wanna be a rapper"....lmbo...cheer me on!

Panty Droppers......

2011-02-17T19:11:00.000-08:00

And then it comes to me, Like an epiphany:

Never let the weight of your happiness rest in the arms of another person...
what happens when their arms give out???....
I can guarantee, more than your bottom jaw just dropped to the floor....

and so the pursuit of happiness continues, once more....

-Shandra e.

fingerprints on the glass.....

2011-02-14T23:13:00.000-08:00

TRUE Love is: non-recyclable

and you can't thrift it..like used valuables

there's no book for "DUMMIES" to tell you how it goes

not just a show

nothing learned or acquired "so now you know"

True Love is: that thing you do love

NEW love..every. day

.....and in no way is it temporary.

Shandra e.

*freestyled this while driving last week...surprise i remembered it?!

Happy Love Day people.

Back to you.....

2011-02-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

you found me
and i'd hate to lose you...
again, i'd find myself back at the lost and found searching for silence
cuz someone said it makes the loudest sound
when you're in love....
when you're in love, friendship is compromised
feelings once burried are realized
i couldn't even act surprised, cuz i felt it coming,
...and right on cue, it sent me running....

Shandra e.

IMMJ

2010-10-21T19:04:00.000-07:00

"...And though we're far apart,
you're always in my heart...."

♥ Shandra e.

Did you watch Oprah today? Lisa Marie Presley was on there speaking /venting all her love, anguish, guilt and remorse for Michael Jackson. And she mentioned that Michael Jackson was the greatest high she had ever been on. I thought that was an interesting way of putting it?! Anyhoo it/the show has me in a funky mood..* a bit nostalgic i guess?! Aint it funny how we always long for the yesterdays, yet we wouldn't trade 'em for the world?! So no, of course i didn't know MJ but at some point we have to stop making this about who knew Michael and realize that at one point, we all loved him!

& i'm just one of a billion who still does. :)

*shrugs...aint no shame.

I'm in LOVE....With YOU!! (*MUST SEE)

2010-10-18T00:50:00.000-07:00

The John Lennon Tour Bus loved my Brother's song so much, they decided to produce the video for them!!! My brother wrote the lyrics/sings in the video and my cousin produced the music/plays the guitar in the video!! :D music runs in the family...everybody plays and/or sings...every gathering is either a concert OR an arguement! lol

These boys are DOPE and I'll say so myself ;)

♥

mark of the beast...

2010-10-15T23:30:00.000-07:00

The mark of TRUE love&hapiness is unmarked, undefined, and unconditional.

♥ Shandra e.

HOW 'BOUT YOU DON'T!!!

2010-10-11T20:59:00.000-07:00

1. Oh my......so one of my male co-workers is working my nerves!!! =/ Apparently he seems to think we're stuck on some sitcom where "guy meets girl, girl seems disinterested. Guy assumes girl is playing hard to get; Girl runs. Guy loves the chase".....but see he forgot that in reality: Girl files charges!! lol....seriously!! This dude has tried it all, including sparking up random & not-so sweet NOTHINGS, just to get in my ear! He became so persistent the kids started making fun of him! ( i work with special ed...smh)! Kids who weren't in my class knew my name...because of him!!! And then finally i let him have it!! After turning him down, repeatedly....blatantly ignoring/avoiding him.....he still didn't get the point & would still openly compliment me and try to have open conversations at all the wrong times....I finally pulled him to the side and straight forward told him to KEEP IT STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL! I told him to watch how he talks to me, approaches me etc. Dude had the nerve to blame it all on the kids....saying they made it get out of hand....THEN he tried to shake my hand to apologize right....And this FOO EXCEEDS THE "strictly business" time limit, holds my hand way to Long & way too tight AND GONE HAVE THE NERVE TO ASK "You like that huh???"

OK SO HOW ABOUT YOU DON'T WORK WITH SPECIAL KIDS KNOWING GOOD & WELL YOU ARE A SPECIAL KID?!!! I had to re-tell him off cuz obviously he missed the point!!! x-(

...& it worked...for a little while; he stopped speaking altogether; YES!! lol...WRONG...he was just storing up all his thoughts and corny sayings for another time.....Now this Foo works in the same class as me....AND HE LAYS IT ON THICK!!!! tooooo thick! YUCK.....TODAY he actually BEGGED me to go out with him on his birthday!! Did a freaking dance & everything!!!! O.M GEE.....it was a mess yall!! not to mention, it was during our working hours, out in the open....smh...this foo gone make me report him! "talkin bout "aint too proud to beg"...SPAa! well beggars can't be choosers so "How 'bout you DON'T" choose Me!!

2. Have you ever been sitting somewhere and suddenly you turn your head to meet somebody, eye-to-eye, staring right at you??? It's like you FELT it?! ...weird right?! Ok so i was in the car, stopped at a red light, eating some ice cream....head all to the side, just devouring it right...and i turn around to see this dude, lifted out his seat, staring at me with the creepiest smile on his face!!! UHG!!!! And it's like what was he doing...tryna check out my shoes while he at it??? why he looking all up in my car...lifted out his seat & everything??! I was so weirded out!!

And to make things worse...i think i'm scarred...for life! The next morning, i was about to eat breakfast in my car and i stopped to see if anybody was driving on the side of me!! When the coast was clear, i peeled my banana and broke/ate it piece by piece like it was finger food!! smh....HOW 'BOUT YOU DON'T gawk at people while they eat....it's rude....a bit perverted....and just disturbing! I'm traumatized =/

3. Ok so after being on my job for a good month....i was walking to the office to sign out when, this guy walks up to me and says "i know you don't know me that well, but we work together so...anyway, can i ask you a question.....*dead pause*........I need $10"??!!!

Ok like WHAT?! The sad thing is he was Dead Serious and i didn't even crack a smile! What in the world...who asks a NEW co-worker for money...no, who TELLS their co-worker they need money...and actually expects to get it??!! HOW BOUT YOU DON'T say "can i ask you something", but then you turn around 'tellin' me what you need"! SPAa!

Then this foo says....ok not a problem...i'll ask Ms, "So & So".....smh...he said the principals name! And do you know he actually asked her!!! THEN HE HAD NERVE TO tell me, "wait right here....i'm comin back...but wait, you hungry....can i take you to eat or something"???

WHAT THE.....With what money...The $10 you wanna borrow from ME???!!!

LMBO...HOW. BOUT. YOU DON'T!

and i should mention, that was just the 1st time he asked me out......he happens to be the guy from #1....I'm really convinced he's working here on some EOP program (equal opportunity program)...cuz i swear he must be special!

So the next time, somebody has that mischievous look on their face, like they wanna say or do something disturbing...look at him side-ways like "oh i see"....catch 'em mid-thought....stop 'em before they even get to "do the do" & P.O.W! (pearls of wisdom for ya ignorance!)...

HOW BOUT YOU DON'T!

25 b4 25...the countdown begins....

2010-10-10T01:51:00.000-07:00

Ok so ON MY BIRTHDAY 9/13....i wore RED lipstick for the 1st time (check!) & I WANTED TO upload the pix, but i guess since they were taken on a different camera, my comp. won't upload them??!! :( still, i've worn it again since then sooo *shrugs....

I love the red...it's a classic look; but a hot PINK actually looks better on me :)
*ahh...my neck looks ABSENT in this photo!! lol..I need my own real camera! My cell is not makin the cut =/

AND I'm SOOOOO Happy to Check SHAKESPEARE off the list!!!! I went to see HAMLET on Sept. 25th (check!) I had a chance to go back to IRVINE (haven't been since i've graduated college) and saw a few familiar faces! It was a really DRAMATIC good show/cast!

I was happy to realize an old friend of mine actually made the flyer for the play! :)

I wanna see another LIVE play asap!! i got the bug...

♥

When Push Comes to Shove....CHANGE.

2010-10-10T00:46:00.000-07:00

*sigh....i was getting soooo annoyed with "lookin so tuff with my Afro puff" look...So Finally, i tried a two-strand twist (took me 5 hrs!! YIKES!)....not to mention the Major Shrinkage!! But...it's ok....just needed it to rock a twist-out fro' with my 70s ladies dress for church tomorrow! :) Anyhooo...I got carried away & started playing with accessories...my little brother actually likes the two-strand "as is".....he says i look like a Jamiacan?! lol...i guess....for some reason, everytime i've had front bangs, whether it was a weave, my own straight hair (oxymoron right?!), or now these twist....someone ends up calling me an "island girl" or a Jamiacan?! lol...one dude swore up & down i was from de' islands! ha! I shoulda/coulda went with it Just cuz he was CUTE! lol....

P.S I wore RED lipstick for the 2nd time today! :)

guess i can check that off thee "25 b4 25" list!

there's a couple things i can check off the list, but that's another post....

♥ Shandra e.

I. CAN.NOT.WAIT!!!!!

2010-10-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyone has seen this preview by now, but i watched it again & got excited AGAIN!! lol...I'm in need for something like this & i just love Tyler Perry's Work...so I'm excited to see what he does with someone else's work for a change! This is the FIRST TIME He'll be doing a movie that isn't a product of his previous writings?! ....The Cast is GREAT so hopefully they work well/have chemistry together!

HITS THEATRES, FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 5th!

♥

U&I

2010-10-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

♥

Three right turns Right Back to You.

2010-10-05T21:20:00.000-07:00

And you have to know that the only thing "sorry" were his excuses.

-Shandra e.

Home-Work for the Soul...

2010-10-05T20:38:00.000-07:00

"Your assignment at this point is quite simple. You have 3 P's that you are to start with. They are PRAYER, PRAISE, & PAMPERING.

PRAY for Strength

because you know the He gives might to those who have none!

PRAISE God for survival

because you know that it is by His mercy that you are still here.

PAMPER for Solace!

It is through pampering yourself that you find renewal and comfort against the tragedies of life.

*Light a candle in the bathroom, play some soft notes, and slip into a hot tub with scented bath beads. Lie in the water and raise your hands in the air and PRAISE The GOD that blessed you to be ALIVE! PRAY ABOUT THE THINGS THAT WOULD NORMALLY WORRY YOU" & Refuse to Worry about the things you've let go in Prayer.

-T.D Jakes

TLHLAHL

Don't just breathe...LIVE!

♥Shandra e.

25 years-to-LIFE...Behind Bars....

2010-10-05T20:16:00.000-07:00

"The sting of suffering cannot reach a heart encased in a hard, protective shell---- but then, neither can love. It is a state of emotional purgatory. When you block out the pain, you block out all other feelings as well, and nothing, no one can touch you. Sermons don't touch you. Sex don't touch you. The lover's passionate caresses fail to touch the spot where it really hurts.

They do not know that when they wrap their arms around you, they are not even holding YOU. The real you is cut off from the rest of the world. It's almost as if your heart were wrapped up in a suit of armor. You are safe from pain, safe from anyone hurting you, but YOU ARE ALONE, EMPTY, and UNTOUCHED. You are Making Love, Making Life, making coffee...in a bubble. You are quarantined by pain and alienated by secret struggles. So close...yet SO FAR...you remain UNTOUCHED!

What you built for protection has now become a prison, and you are trapped in a silent cell built for One."

-T.D JAKES

excerpt from "THE LADY, HER LOVER, & HER LORD"

I read this book about 2yrs ago and passed it on to my friend! I loved it so much & learned so much, i decided to read it again! It's such an enrichment to read!! I'll keep you guys posted!

...decided i'd let people in on the "gush" this time around...LADIES everywhere should read this book!!

Holding On to Grudges vs. Letting Go & Moving On...

2010-10-04T21:52:00.000-07:00

Wow...I never thought I'd hear those words directed towards me...ME? ... holding a grudge?...or even worse, and i quote "A Vendetta...."?! *sigh....Sometimes RELIGIOUS FOLK/Church Folk (big difference between Believers/Christians)...anyhow...sometime people in general misunderstand what it means to FORGIVE! I had someone accuse me of Holding a grudge against a guy just because i refused to ride in his car like everyone else, hopping in for a ride with "benefits". Because refusing to ride in his car, and free-load off of his "drunken generosity" was a "sign" that what he did to me in the past is still effecting me in the present, as if forgiveness means "back to the way things were"??!! HA! Basically, this guy has a status that wavers like the wind...He's up, his finances are up, his EGO is UP so he spends, on everybody, freely....& still when he's down....everything else follows suit.....his self-esteem plummets, his "love" drowns you & him both, his spending becomes wasting, etc.

To sum it all up, he was noooo good.

So I'll dismiss the accusation as ignorance, but still....people tend to hold chains of "guilt" such as these, over Christians' head all thee time! Because being a Christian somehow equates to being a push-over??? Or does it sum up to an unlearned child repeating the same "hand-in-the fire" routine??! I DEMAND TO DIFFER! I can Forgive AND MOVE-ON! Forgiving someone does NOT mean you are obligated to continue a relationship of any sort with them; period.

When I was accused of harboring "unforgiveness", i took it as an insult to my maturity! A little bruised and battered girl returns to "life/love as we know it...even when what we know is proven wrong"! And there is 'a little' girl in every woman, STILL every woman has the power to GROW UP! I didn't yield myself to that mere "car ride" because it would send mixed signals....as if everything is okay, as if things can simply go back to the way they were...when really...I'm So over it all....So over it, I refuse to revert back to it!

When we succumb to the routines of the dirty past...we walk around with the stench of yesterday, in today's brand new clothes! We essentially ruin who we have become and really it's never worth it!

"FORWARD.....I'm moving FORWARD...Just ONE Word: FORWARD"!

What He'll Never Tell You....

2010-09-06T03:01:00.000-07:00

The TRUTH!

*such a great video!!!

Before Adam, After Eve (pt.1)

2010-09-01T02:59:00.000-07:00

After separating the water's deep from the shallow ends of the earth...

and after flinging the stars into a space once occupied by "Nothing",

God showed out and created YOU!

He coiled your hair and straightened your back, exalting you over every other creature.

He curved your lips and raised your cheeks, modeling you after His very own features.

Because before there were doctors, lawyers, architects, and preachers....you were just a man.

And as high as you would stand, still something brought you low...

something you missed, before you ever had a chance to know you were in need.

Unlike the others, you were the only one without your own breed to keep you company...

And so it goes, the story told reveals the worth of a woman's golden heart.

...God rocked you to sleep, and it took something Deep to end you where we would start.....

"it's not good for men to be alone".

So God stretched out His hand and gave WOMAN her throne!

See we were created because you were no good on your own?!

And we would fill a void in the place where loneliness had grown...

completing you and mending you without ever picking a needle to your un-sewn ..pieces.

And for this very reason, God would always be the one you were truly

needin'...

♥ Shandra e.

(to be continued)

Tailor-Made Love

2010-08-31T15:22:00.000-07:00

You wanted me to jump in, but you were never willing to teach me to swim...

as if you wanted to see me drown...& still no frown on your face could replace the silly smile traced upon my heart...

too bad i was too in love to realize, it was just the start of brokeness...

a part of me was ripping and your hands pulled at the seams.

-Shandra e.

New Growth...

2010-08-23T00:09:00.000-07:00

As I learn to embrace my natural hair...totally, without any sedatives...lol...as in without weaves or wigs...or press/curls, flat-ironing or blow drying.....I'm experiencing NEW GROWTH as an ALL NATURAL WOMAN!!! :)

& mind you i haven't had a "perm" in 10 years anyhow; so this growth transcends my hair type or texture...some days i even leave the house without make-up...ON PURPOSE!

*shrugs.....i think i like me...NO...

I'm head over heels, in love....with me ♥

25 before 25...

2010-08-21T02:05:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting for months, and now that my 24th Birthday is almost here...I can start planning my LIST of 25 things to do before year Twenty-FIVE is up!!! The clock starts on SEPT. 13th, soooo Wish me luck:

1.Run at least a half-marathon with an organization of my choice!!

2. LEAVE CALIFORNIA! Get on a plane and LEAVE!! lol...not for good, but vacation, travel, etc.

3. Wear red lipstick! lol, i'm frightened, but i love the vintage/classy lady-look!

4. Join a Gym & Get in shape! (realistically though!). take before/after pics.

5. APPLY TO GRAD SCHOOLS & GO!! i'm afraid; why..idk??

6. Get a love life! lol

7. Go to another Shakespeare play (i love that guy)!!

8. Indulge in my 1st SPA DAY/TREATMENT!!! *sigh.. :D

9. Splurge on a pair of Designer high heels that are T.D.F

10. Get the entire A DIFFERENT WORLD SERIES on Dvd!

11. get a pro-bikini wax /scream like CRAZY & rock a bikini for the 1st time!

12. GO Fishing for the 1st time...with Grandpa!! :)

13. Find a nice Sushi Restaurant & dine in!

14. buy a RECORD PLAYER!!! I've yet to find one that fits me!! (& i'm tired of collecting vinyls i can't play =/ )

15. ROAD TRIP!! by train or car...long as i get there...get there somehow ;)

16. Record one of my original songs..in a studio!

17. make time...make room...AND FINALLY GET A DOG :)

18. Get a Raise on the job OR find a Higher paying Job in my field!

19. Volunteer/work part-time at a Psychiatric Hospital or Nursing Home

20. Plan a trip to PARIS! Idk when i'll be able to afford it, but PLANNING is the first step to progress!

21. Write/Direct a Play w/original songs...as my cousin says: "embrace the Tyler Perry within"!! lol

22. Cook an entire meal, (from scratch) including dessert, for my mom/Family (it's a lot of us)!!

23. Go ice-skating! :)

24. Start a "get-away" savings-fund

25. design a cock-tail dress for my 25th bday & get it tailor made, for an unforgettable night.

♥ Shandra e.

10 years ago......

2010-08-21T01:13:00.000-07:00

10 years ago i permed my hair for the last time.

10 years ago i decided at 13, that i was ready to live totally for GOD...and ever since, that's exactly what i've been trying to do. 10 years ago, my absentee father stepped back on to the scene and sent my life up and down on the worst rollercoaster ride...EVER.

10 years ago....i learned that my best friend told my secret....and i vowed that no one could be a friend as dear as Jesus...so 10 years ago, i realized He was more than 'just' a savior...He was my BEST friend....and soon after i learned, He was my father.

10 years ago....i started high school. I walked into my English class and challenged the teacher, her theories and her logics....and 10 years later I am still a challenge. 10 years ago, i met the man of my dreams....he challenged me, loved me, and stretched me to no end...he taught me how to stretch and push myself....he was a teacher i'll never forget; he showed me that i was worth the challenge. And 10 years later, i'm still waiting for someone to live up to his standards....yet 10 years ago, i vowed never to stop in the process of waiting, because the Bible tells me, I am to "occupy until He comes"....so in waiting, i learned to love myself.

10 years ago....time flew by.

I AM the light at the end of the tunnel.

2010-07-16T14:07:00.000-07:00

funny how people can try so hard, to push you away, without really knowing it...and you're stuck goin in circles simply because there's no real means for a quick/smooth escape, but as soon as you find the door...they know you'll see yourself OUT.

...so they try to keep you, held hostage, within.... their viscious little cycle.

too bad they never managed to change you.

...when skies are grey...

2010-07-06T21:27:00.000-07:00

you make me happy!

...please don't take my sunshine away.

and everytime i take a breath....

2010-06-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

there may be stars in my eyes

but there are moon craters in my heart

and everytime i take a breath

i'm reminded he lives (right here)

forever

♥

Shandra e.

HELP!!!!!

2010-06-21T18:11:00.000-07:00

MY BLOG NEEDS A MAJOR MAKE-OVER and I don't know what to do!!! I've been scrolling around behind the scenes trying to fix it...& i can't even remember how to add my music box back!!! =(

I remember being able to add pix, but i just don't know how????
If you know the step by step procedures (ex. go to settings, then format, etc) PLEASE LET ME KNOW how to:

Add my own pix to my page!

How to Add a Music box!!!! (i can't take the silence on this page!!) ahhhhh!

And if you know a cool site where I can find a nice background that would be great as well; I NEED HELP!!!!!! =/

Baby Love and Good Grub

2010-06-20T23:04:00.000-07:00

"Baby Love will drain you like a tub, but True Love will feed you like Good Grub!" -D'Wayne Wayne

A Different World

My all time, top Favorite show; ever!

wishful thinking

2010-06-02T17:13:00.000-07:00

so i may have closed the doors to my heart,

but i opened my eyes

waiting

hoping

some day soon you'd find the window

of opportunity

-Shandra e.

Flying Kites

2010-05-31T19:52:00.000-07:00

at first it seems real

you're soaring, flying

and reaching heights you'd never manage on your own

but then, they real you in
take you home
and throw you in a box.

so for months, you dangle on that string

eagerly waiting until next spring

-Shandra e.

I Pledge Allegiance...

2010-04-10T19:11:00.000-07:00

Put Your Right Hand Over Your Heart

Ready

BEGIN

KEEP BEATING

someone will learn to dance

♥ Shandra e.

1 to 10: Speechless, but for so Long...

2010-04-10T18:18:00.000-07:00

"1 to 10 is basically writing down that 1 thing I wish I could say to 10 different people but...cant, won't or just haven't. And I don't say who they are".

Thanks to Robyn Latice at http://journey2maturity.blogspot.com I was inspired to do this post...We can only remain "speechless", but for so long.....

1. "Almost made you love me, Almost made you cry" you were so jealous and I still don't know why, because you never loved me....and you never showed me what TRUE love was.....
"Almost made you happy Babe, didn't I...didn't I?? (smh...always left me wondering)...& you Almost had me thinkin' you were turned around, BUT everybody knows ALMOST DOESN'T COUNT".

....So just yesterday, when you came so close...close enough to peer into my eyes,

I hope you realized...

I'm Done.

2. I don't know what to do about you...I don't need you and I'm not sure when I stopped wanting you, but it's been this way for so long and I'm comfortable. I can't say I'd hate to see you go, because I always hated when you'd come into my world turning everything upside down. I just don't know that you're ready to be "written off", still if life's some great novel...why were you written into it in the first place??! I swear, most people have beating hearts, but mine pounds from all the drama you cause! And though I hate DRAMA, as most people do...i'm one in a few who actually cares enough to love you.

...But when you're gone

because you finally walked away for good

I'll cry, grieve, and feel guilty as I should

still i can't say i'd want you back.

3. What has it been nearly 3yrs?? How do you just forget?! Where have you been?! Where did you go...why didn't you take me with you?! Our widowed friendship stays on my mind a lot and in your absence, i'm left to wonder if I'm the only one who cared...was I the only one who meant "forever"...you said we'd go to hell & back only to survive...i went to hell & back & i'm the only one alive...STILL IT'S CRAZY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT DEAD...you just disappeared and your memory is still HERE.

I told you I couldn't have anymore AWOL characters in my life...

and you must've totally disregarded everything i felt.

4. It's okay to let people in, even when you fear they won't stay for good...otherwise you'll always be alone. Imagine it all like a home...with visitors, guest, & residents. Don't give everyone the key. Know that some people were never destined to stay. Some people were never supposed to leave. Others will always want to merely see what you have to offer, but they can give you nothing in return. If it's not broken...it will be. When it's broken there's a song, a poem, & a God to fix it all :)

Keep beating

someone will learn to dance

5. You expected So little of me and daily I give you more! I will never be HER and SHE will NEVER be ME.

I long to be your Beautiful let down.

6. When you said "I love you More than you could ever know", I was hoping you'd make it your mission to show me. And perhaps you did, and I was too blind and stubborn to see.

They say the eyes are windows to the soul

so I kept my eyes open, with my heart shut closed

But i suppose you found an "opportunity" :)

7. If this is what they call "growing pains", i've grown numb and the pain is as null as my feelings. Still I could never rid myself of you and i'd never want to. I pray we grow apart only to Grow UP. But I hope we find ourselves "together" again.

True Friends never last

a day past the end.

8. Sometimes I can be so selfish and too self-absorbed to notice you're waiting on me. And sometimes I become so self-sufficient I fail to let YOU help, when I know i could NEVER do it all myself. Sometimes I even lump you into a category with him, as if you could ever fail...

FORGIVE ME.

Live In Me.

I need You.

9. Like no other on earth i trust you and you make me feel so secure. And someday you'll make some lady feel like she's the happiest on earth and I'll be so proud to say: "he made me happy first"! lol...basically, you remind me that there are genuine lovers out there with hearts as big as mine. With wounds as steep as mines. With a future as bright as mines because we remind each other to love anyhow :)

And just because we've been wounded

never conclude we're damaged

doesn't even mean we come with emotional baggage

But experience will teach you to learn the hard lessons ONCE.

10. I probably shouldn't waste another one on YOU, but "a part of me" still sees another part of you and 'that part' of me still loves 'that part' of you. So i wonder, If we unveiled every layer of our hearts and kept it all the way real...If we faced our fears and insecurities and allowed ourselves to feel. If we kept our words limited to Truth, this post would bare the proof...

love is a book

we could write the sequel

brand new story

same two people.

♥ Shandra e.

NO i was not "trying" to be all sappy, rhymy and "poetic", lol...When I start expressing my inner feelings, it's hard to escape allegories/poetry because too often i hide behind it. Still, i tried...and more than not, i failed! lol..

OoohOooh I LIKE IT! ;) Debarge Baby!

2010-04-06T19:38:00.000-07:00

So this past Friday night, I went to some cafe' in Hollywood, where they hold an event called "FIRST FRIDAYS" and to my surprise, we closed the night with a guest performance from EL DEBARGE!!! I was too stoked...I just Love artist who were making it happen before my time & still manage to wow a crowd!...they have a sound we fail to capture these days And let me tell you...When El Got up to sing his infamous (family hit) I LIKE IT, the place couldn't help, but get with it! Youngins were singing lyrics to the 't', and those old enough to actually be "LONG TIME" fans were hysterical to watch as they screamed & "laughed" to keep from looking like the repressed groupies they were! LMBO...it was amazing though! He reminded me of Michael as he swooned the crowd and hit those beautiful falsettos notes...HE STILL HAS IT! && I hope he has a chance to redeem himself as an artist!!

...He, along with most of his Family has faced so many hard times so I want nothing more than great success & true happiness for the guy! I hope he stays clean...

*EL & brother Chico during "not so good" times.

He's kind of "up there" in age, but he still looked good when we saw 'em! lmbo even the Comedian with his grown self had to admit "although I'm such a heterosexual dude, El Debarge is fine & i aint afriad to say it!" ha! Then he looked right at El & said it again!! But he's that back in the day when light skin dudes were IN kind of FINE ...you know the baby face, baby hair wearing, pretty face dudes...lol..

...SO NOW, I've been playing him out non-stop...i swear me & my family got some kind of "addict-gene" cuz me & my little sister are straight wooed like it's 1985!! lol...& that's a whole year before my time...let alone she wasn't even a thought! ha! we some MJ rebounders though...just lovin' every little glimpse of him we see in others! But that's not to say EL DEBARGE himself wasn't worthy of our admiration cuz lawd knows i'm smitten :)

lol...by the music of course!

not the night we whitnessed; this might be footage from the 90z, but it serves the purpose!

When I get this feelin'....

2010-04-02T01:20:00.000-07:00

MARIO BETTA SANG THAT SONG!!!!! lol....I LOVE THIS FOO!! I ALWAYS heard his Marvin Influences and longed for this moment when the worlds would collide...omg & i'm late, cuz this is so 2009?! lol...ENJOY :)

*sigh...Mario & Marvin...aint that just blissful...lol

My Distant Lover...

2010-04-02T00:40:00.000-07:00

Can't Believe he would've been 71 years old...TODAY (04/02)!!! that's crazy....on April fools (April 1, 1984) His father became the king of FOOLS and took one of the best things EVER to happen to the world of Music!! =/ I AM FOREVER a FAN of this Man....

I have love & admiration to last a LIFETIME past my lifetime.

AN HONORARY HAPPY BIRTHDAY

TO MR. MARVIN G.

my favorite singer

"I BE NINE"

2010-03-31T15:00:00.000-07:00

By TIANA MONIQUE (She's MY FAVORITE blogger!! Dope writer!)
http://singordinarywords.blogspot.com

goodnezzzz!!!

"WHEN TRUTH DIFFERS WORD IS BOND"!

BranDAY has returned!!! BrocKa is at it Again!!

2010-03-20T11:40:00.000-07:00

Loves her!!! She's my fav, but I appreciate some of the dynamics from beyonce & the original version that I didn't hear in this one (ex. I found a "thril"...i was waiting on that part!) It's still real GOOD stuff!!

Sometimes Being on the Wrong Track means You're on the Right Path going the WRONG WAY!

2010-03-18T17:09:00.000-07:00

On this day, God wants you to know...
... that it's never too late to get back on track. Never has anyone gone so far on the wrong path that they cannot return to the right one. Never has anyone become so wayward that they cannot benefit from the true light.

I'm so in love with God and I say it...right Track...but too often I FAIL to show it...WRONG WAY!

John 14:15

"If you LOVE me, Keep My commandments"

in other words, if we love God, we oughta find ourselves LIVING his word...not just reading it!

♥ Shandra e.

eventually the numb grow cold...

2010-03-13T22:41:00.000-08:00

and the cold will eventually freeze to death..unless, there's any hope left...

they'll surrender to love and melt.

-Shandra e.

without words...

2010-02-20T23:05:00.000-08:00

There are two groups of people out there with two different interpretations of who I am: Very Reserved and Very Outspoken. I am reserved, but if ever I reserved my words...you left me speechless. And if ever i was found speechless, you left me..

-shandra e.

"One of the most important things another human being can give you, is something to say".

-lain

http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/

"Ms. Ross said we done grewd up!" lol...

2010-02-14T22:22:00.000-08:00

Michael's little voice!! haha...gotta love Throwbacks like this!! So obviously i wasn't old enough to watch any of the episodes when they aired...just thought i'd have a late.night.laugh =)

That man is Forever loved! & even though it's been nearly 8 months (wow that's crazy) i still keep him/his music very much alive!!

Setback OR Set-up

2010-02-14T13:11:00.000-08:00

Here's some advice I shared with an associate of mine through email...perhaps someone else needs to hear/know the same...

just know that whatever is setting you back, can be the springboard you need to propell forward!! I've had so many hardships babe, so i can't say i know where you're coming from (cuz i literally don't)...can't even say i've been there, but i've been around long enough to know that sometimes where you haven't been makes the grundgy look of where you are seem just a little bit brighter!!! you made it to twenty-10...so Death, is somewhere you haven't been...no setback; just a set-up for GREATNESS ;)

BE and THINK postive.

♥Shandra e.

This Type Love...Shihan :)

2010-02-13T00:32:00.000-08:00

I'm sure we've all heard this at least one billion times! lol...But don't you just LOVE it??! so while "love" is in the air, i figured why not post & share:
One of the most memorable Def Jam Poet's SHIHAN!!

♥ HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Happy B-Day!! B-rocka turns 31!

2010-02-12T23:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Brandy's Birthday and she welcomed 31 in Miami, with her bff's, brother Ray J and singer Kelly Rowland!.. apparently Bran & Kelly have the same Bday (kelly turned 29)....gotta admit it was weird seeing kelly all Buddied up with another "B" besides Bey!

...outfits for the night: ...uhhhh...i guess...

I want...That Huxtable Love!

2010-02-06T21:43:00.000-08:00

I want to roll over every morning and say "good mornin' love" to you.

I want to cook you breakfast

and i want to call off work,

just to lay some more with you.

I want to call you Mr.

just to affirm that i am your Mrs.

and i want you to wake me up with soft, sweet,

slow kisses atop my nose

and i suppose i want to play footsies as i wrap my legs around you

I want to be so close even our lashes would have to interlock

and our memories would intertwine as love flashes before our souls

I want to close my eyes and see dreams dying to come true...

I want to live my reality so in love with you

And I want to get a dog that adores you

one that shows love more than me

so that i could live vicariously through the dog

and love you twice as much

I want to listen to oldies
and dance around the living room like spinning records

I want to have your children

I want them to walk in RIGHT when we think we have time to ourselves

only to find Claire and Cliff are at it again

I want to be your lover, but even more so
i just want to be your friend.

♥ Shandra e.

note to the broken:

2010-02-05T21:55:00.000-08:00

ASSEMBLY is REQUIRED

& when you feel like you've been

dismembered

into a thousand little pieces...

remember

you now have the power.

Rebuild

a bigger and better YOU.

♥ Shandra e.

Week 4:Make a Wish....

2010-01-24T21:49:00.001-08:00

yesterday morning, i woke up early, with intentions of catching 'The Book of Eli" at a matinee price. I wanted to spend my Saturday alone, yet productively pampering me (at a discounted price!) but plans were changed...

The first thing i did was grab my phone to check the time and i noticed i had two unread texts. The previous night, my granny and my cousin both went into the hospital for different reasons so i was reluctant to read them....I made an obvious wish "God let granny be ok"; and it came true....but my cousin was the young one, the father with growing sons, the deacon at my church. And he was the one who died. On the other hand my Granny is just fine and she's back home with my grandpa! So I'm happy, but it's bitter sweet you know....i just wish they both could've had the same happy outcome?! My granny went in for chest pains and came out fine while my cousin went in because he simply felt sick...yet he had a heart attack and passed away at the hospital...at the mere age of 42. My family is somber....it's confusing....
and emotions are mixed.....
I wouldn't trade my Granny for anything/anyone in the world!
I just wish my cousin was still alive...
he passed away (yesterday) on his mom's birthday and today his oldest son turned 21...
what wishes are they left to make????

They say to be absent from the body is to be present with The Lord. There's a spiritual roll-call going on Right now; And i believe if i was to eaves drop on Heaven, i'd hear Cousin Sam say HERE! :)

and still there is PEACE in it all.

♥ Shandra e.

TEAM CONAN (O'Brian)!!!!

2010-01-22T23:16:00.000-08:00

After resigning from his position as The Tonight Show host, Jay Leno's job was the perfect promotion for fellow NBC host Conan O'Brian!! However, now that Jay's "experimental" late night talk show has plummeted, the "Indian Giver" wants his job back!!!

I feel sooo bad for Conzy! (The Rock gave him that name yrs. back! lol)...My sister & I would watch him back in our High School days and he 's been a late night "must-have" ever since! It's sad because he was so excited to take part in the legendary 'Tonight Show' line-up after Jay who succeeded Johny Carson, but now...after a mere few months, his stint is already OVER!

Poor Conzy! hopefully he finds a home soon and perhaps the $34 million he won in the settlement, for the breached contract, will cheer him up these next few (jobless) weeks!

911: *OPERATOR

2010-01-20T23:51:00.000-08:00

And when your heart seems broken beyond repair...

allow GOD to give you a NEW one!

♥ shandra e.

Should've smelled the coffee...

2010-01-20T22:51:00.000-08:00

I made my bed, but i refuse to lay in it

I.WOKE.UP.

So there's no reason I should stay in it!

Although I'm guilty...

for allowing you to play in it....

-Shandra e.

common idiom: wake up and smell the coffee
to pay attention and do something about a situation

Paintings for the Blind....

2010-01-20T22:22:00.000-08:00

My intent was never to brush-stroke your ego.

And I never meant to paint love with mere words.

But all was spent on what was never heard and we were too blind to see that actions could never drown out the scream of a thousand lies.

-Shandra e.

Week 3/365

2010-01-11T23:46:00.000-08:00

My first day back to work!! To no surprise the class was More than HYPER-ACTIVE and it seemed as though we were back to the basics...as if certain habits were never dropped?! So while the kids ran around the room yelling....I watched the clock and finally exhaled the moment the bell rang!

...and at the end of the day, when i go home...before i slip out of my clothes, shower, or go to bed...I have to SMILE because no matter what, i love those kids and i love my job!
it's funny how perspective changes....and to think, i never imagined i'd LOVE/ADORE kids...*sigh, it's amazing how much joy a child can bring...their quirky little sayings, their obnoxious, attention seeking Yet irresistible little voices!! lol...i just adore them...:)

This is Not Another Girl Meets Boy

2010-01-09T19:40:00.000-08:00

La Roux - I’m Not Your Toy
Love, love is like a stubborn youth
That you’d rather just deny
I’m walking on a broken roof
While I’m looking at the sky

It’s all false love and affection
You don’t want me
You just like the attention
Yes it’s all false love and affection
You don’t like me
You just want the attention

I’m not your toy
This isn’t another girl meets boy x2

Love, love hides in a smoky light
And I can never find the truth
Boy, your touches leave me mystified
And I wish I could believe in you

Yes it’s all false love and affection
You don’t want me
You just like the attention
Yes it’s all false love and affection
You don’t like me
You just want the attention

I’m not your toy
This isn’t another girl meets boy x3

It’s all false love and affection
You don’t want me
You just like the attention
Yes it’s all false love and affection
You don’t like me
You just want the attention

I’m not your toy
This isn’t another girl meets boy x4

I love this song!!! We play it OUT at my job all thee time! I've been meaning to post it forever!

Ollusions: Omarion's New Album Review...

2010-01-09T05:14:00.001-08:00

The new album, Ollusions, is set to be released 1-12-10, but the preview can be heard on myspace (and other sites i'm sure) but yeah, I've definitely concluded that I MUST be seeing things cuz I sure aint hearing nothing worth buying??!! So i give it to 'em for coming up with a perfect album title...as corny as it may be...O-llusions?? i guess....

I don't know how/if the music industry has been accepting of his first two singles "I get it In" & whatever the other one was called...I was totally clueless his career was "back on the move", but I just think he waited too long! Besides, the industry is so hardcore these days; good people are strugglin' to sell records....!!

Overall, there might be two songs in all that others might like??! I'm not too fond of any. Sad to say since i was rooting, even waiting for his return...now i just feel like he should say "Gotcha" & crawl right back under that rock....=/

the bright side is, He looks good...UNLESS....it's all an Ollusion & he really doesn't??! ;p

*shrugs...poor baby, he might sell records & prove me wrong.

hopefully....

note to the eager:

2010-01-09T01:56:00.000-08:00

Some people get so caught up in the pace...they take success for some "race" to a 'sloppy' finish....
believe no one will say, "oh my...you took a billion years just to make it here: on top of the world"???
NO...they will say HOW did you do it?

... & you will say: with hard work & dedication...belief in myself!

♥ Shandra e.

note to the hopeful:

2010-01-08T14:41:00.000-08:00

Please, don't waste your New Year's resolution on Me

this smile bears nothing more than what you see

and there is no residual love

silence does not signal a problem

...and perhaps i have nothing more to say

so if getting back to what you esteem as "normal" is in the plan...

change it

i moved on and what worked then, could never succeed

it's twenty-ten...

i'm just over it.

-Shandra e.

day EIGHT.DOWN. 357 to go...

2010-01-08T01:27:00.000-08:00

Ok so let me start of by saying, I skipped two days...it's true! However, I realized this "everyday aspect" is just not fit for me/my life style....I work two jobs & i get home late, Alot! I don't work tomorrow so hence, i'm here. But still...I might have to re-vamp this thing to a "52 weeks" instead of "365 days"?! lol....I'm Serious....come Sunday i'll be counting by weeks! ;)

Anyhoo...Omg, so EVERYBODY has a Facebook!!! EVEN.....MY GRANNY! lol...yess....that's Her "profile pic" & no my moms wasn't 12 when she had me nor was my granny 15 when she had my moms (my moms was a married, nearly 22 yr. old & granny was in her late 20z when she had my moms...& that's NOT to disrespect young mothers in anyway)!!!! ...I suppose i get my Young face (& my smile) from my granny??! *someone once thought i was 10yrs younger than what i really am!! lol...I was 22 at the time!

.....But noooo, this is Not okay, why is my whole family trying to be on FB?? It was okay when i was connecting with distant cousins, but naw...my Granny, uncles, & aunties should not know all aspects of my personality...as in how i joke with my friends, etc?! I'll never be caught saying anything "out of conduct", BUT STILL....i'm a "granny-goose" to my Granny (what she calls me)...she don't need to see me any other way!lol....I went ahead & added Granny, But some folks will NOT be added...I still have an uncle "in waiting"! lol...i won't deny any fam, but i sure won't accept 'em all either ;)

day FOUR & FIVE DOWN. 360 to go...

2010-01-04T23:21:00.000-08:00

Tonight is the night I'll finally go NATURAL!!! ;D

Day 4: I'm sooo happy/excited! After youtubing & reading so many blogs (shout outs to Sunshine http://www.naturalhairnaturalproducts.com/

& Mae http://www.naturalchica.com/!!) I finally decided to give it a try myself!! However, because natural hair is so high maintenance, I'll have to wait until I learn/develop quicker pacing before i can do my hair every morning! I need to be able to wake up & go so that i'll be hitting L.A traffic (heading North. OUCH!) in the morning!! I can't wait though...I'll probably start dibbling/dabbling in February though (*shrugs...least i could do for black history month. lol) But come Summertime, i'll have more than Clothes & hott weather to be excited about, i'll be a Full-Time natural & lovin' it! :)

Day 5 (The Reveal): So after washing my hair last night, i woke up anxious to see the outcome of my efforts! lol... Here's my FIRST TRY at a two-strand-twist-out, let alone anything completely natural (meaning No press or blow dry either...of course no weaves, texturizers or chemicals, but that's an obvious given!)!!! ;o)

Overall, I LOVED the whole experience!! && I LOVED MY HAIR!! It's crazy because i even saw undertones in my skin that have been hiding for a long time! lol...& i must say i adored the low key "salute" to Michael's hair style in the 90z!! He actually used to wear his hair like this for a while! haha...NO i didn't do it on purpose (didn't know my hair would even come out like this?! really i had no expectations?!)

Did I mention I LOVE MY HAIR! ;o)

day THREE.DOWN 362 to go...

2010-01-03T22:31:00.000-08:00

I took this pic, while waiting to exit the freeway...i was headed home. Ironically, this pic captures all of the decisions I am faced with as I approach this New year!

The ONE WAY sign stands out the most. I must move forward!

Do NOT enter: I cannot afford to backtrack...lest I set myself up for a collision with the past! I'm so future focused/goal oriented!!

and then There's the Rear View Mirror: At first glance, you'd think the car in the mirror is behind me, but then you realize it's the very car NEXT TO ME...trying to keep up...trying to stay close....*sigh....And while you may conclude the solution is in Letting Go...also consider, their resolution may be to pick up...right where you left off! So i turned the corner, just like i turned the page. SCREW ALL THE NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS; it's like being in the washing machine, but never getting clean; so you're just tossed about & wrung out..stretched to your capacity..with two options: you could air your dirty laundry OR you could place it in the hands of God...i hear He hand-washes you like no other ;)

-Shandra e.

If This is All a Game...

2010-01-03T00:15:00.000-08:00

day TWO.DOWN. 363 to go...

2010-01-02T23:07:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up and to no surprise...we were having a "Michael Moment"!! So I eagerly joined my sisters on the couch and watched in awe, as if watching for the first dozen times....
It's sad to think, that was the last time the Jackson 5 (+ one) would ever perform on the same stage again. Still what makes it even more significant is that nobody, including the Jackson 5 was aware! They say the only thing we have is now, but even now slowly fades....We have to cherish each moment because the moment we realize the significance, our moment has already passed....

♥ Shandra e.

day ONE. DOWN. 364 to go...

2010-01-01T03:26:00.000-08:00

I've been seeing so many posts of "The 365 days Project" and i decided, hey why not?! :) So basically, everyday of 2010, i will be posting a pic of either myself or something within my world! Still, i don't want to just post/take pics "just because", so I have to make sure i have something to say as well....everyday??? lol...this might pose a challenge, but I'm ready for it & i hope I stick to it! ;) So Far, Things are Looking UP for 2010...One Day down...364 more to go!
I just want to live one day at a time, never forsaking the plans of tomorrow, still never taking for granted the fulfillment of TODAY!

♥ Shandra e.

It's Human Nature...

2009-12-31T00:11:00.000-08:00

He just might Be my favorite Brandy Fan!!! lmbo...is that even probable??? Who Cares...this guy taps into Bran's vibrato like no other i've ever heard!!! LOVES HIM! ...I heard him singing' an Alicia Keys song & just KNEW he was a Brandy & MJ fan; I heard it in his voice!! Now all I need is a Trey Songz joint from him & i'm goood =D
enjoy.

"So...How about those Lakers"??? lol....

2009-12-25T13:55:00.000-08:00

It's CHRISTmas!!!!! =D (it's also 6months ago today that MJ passed, but WOOSAH...we'll stay positive && besides, It's not his Day!) So, How About those Lakers??? As of Tomorrow...I WILL BE IN SACRAMENTO answering that question from the stands!!! So a few months ago, I made a TO-DO & TO-DON'T List (older blog post) & I'm happy to say that so far i've been checking things off!!!

Let's Re-cap (& lift my words verbatim from the earlier blog):

-Take a trip to Catalina Island!!!

"I've been "planning" this trip since January...of Last year =/ so I have to go before another January rolls around!! If not Catalina, i just have to get away..."
Tomorrow is the Kick off of my 1st "road trip" (made it just in time!)& Besides the Laker game in Sac (uber excited!!!), we'll hit Oakland, San Fran & possibly Oregon (just because?! lol) I CAN'T WAIT =D

--CONTINUE to Save Up for My Own Apartment!!!:

Well...about that...I GOT A NEW CAR!!??!! lol...but really, It's A recession & My "Black.Man.Workin" decided to stop workin'...so I had to switch some things around for an impulsive car buy! It's a cute little 2009 Nissan Sentra!! (we've been together for 2months now) && I was sure to get leather seats....My "Black.Man" would have it no other way!! *shrugs....I"LL JUST START SAVING ALL OVER AGAIN!

-I WANT A RECORD PLAYER & VINYL RECORDS!!!!!

"TheNatKINGofJazzCole , Smokey Rob, (i like giving my favs nick names! lol), Dear Sam (Cooke) & Frankie Lymon will all be spinning along with MJ. and Prince"!! Gotta have Frankie (sinatra) too!!!

*if it counts, MJ wrote the title track ;)

Well, I'm Half-way there...My little sis gave me the best gift ever: NAT KING COLE'S original vinyl Record!!! and Rebbie Jackson (it was the closest she could get to Michael!!) lol....(she found them both at a thrift swap!) I have ALWAYS wanted Nat King Cole To be my 1st album so i must've nearly cried!! lol...She had a record player on hold at her job, But her evil manager bought it for his wife!!?? *sigh....well, Now that i have Vinyls, I can shop around for my own player!!! I'm sooo happy!! :)

One of My Favs: "When I Fall in Love" is on this album...1st solo i had to sing for my music class during my 1st year of college (unforgettable) *sigh...i've been in love ever since!

**PRE-Statement: JESUS is The Reason For the Season!!! ;)

Limitations of Love

2009-12-24T21:33:00.000-08:00

Love NEVER reaches without something to offer!

period.

♥ Shandra e.

GIVE LOVE ON CHRISTMAS Yall...it's the Greatest gift ever!! :)

Merry Christmas!!!

Where There is LOVE......

2009-12-23T13:02:00.000-08:00

just look over your shoulder honey.....

THERE.....that's where all the memories are

♥

See You, When I see You...

2009-12-23T12:32:00.000-08:00

And all it takes is one look

one look & i go piercing through the core of you

touching the softer parts of you

intersecting the inner sections of you

because it is True....I always see YOU when I see you

& you have not changed

*Shandra e.

Held Together by Bandages of Fear....

2009-12-20T13:44:00.000-08:00

And why do we automatically say "THEY'RE IN A BETTER PLACE"??? Perhaps all the riches they had on earth will far surpass the wages they face for eternity?! And Maybe...We're so selfish, we forget about their souls, only to focus on our patch-worked hearts....

*Shandra E.

(just hypothesizing..)

THIS JUST MADE MY DAY: IT's B-DAY YALL!!!! =D

2009-12-19T19:22:00.000-08:00

I rarely stay on youtube anymore....because i know it results in me staying on there ALL NIGHT! One video leads to another and suddenly, you're listening to songs you've heard and LOVED for years, BUT FINALLY it reaches the right vocalist!! ...*sigh...&& all i wanted for Christmas was good music!! lol...Merry Christmas to Me and you too! =D
"It's Bran-Day" yall ;)
enjoy....

this joint, by James Fauntleroy (one of the greatest songwriters/vocalist period!) has been one of my favorites for a minute (a few years!!)....BRANDY JUST MADE MY DAY BY EVEN CONSIDERING THIS!! I HOPE IT GOES ON A FUTURE ALBUM!!! *fingers crossed...

you can't call the troops back home

cuz you know they're too far gone

what if love was never war

it would never hurt you anymore

what are you fighting for...

CASUALTIES of Love everywhere

Stand Up...I know You're Out there!

Gotta get Together

we can make LOVE and not war baby

anybody fighting for LOVE???

Lost and Found

2009-12-16T17:23:00.000-08:00

If love lost is mere love misplaced....

where did i put my happiness???

I've been standing here at this box wondering how one could put you in it

how one could bargain love for less just to see me spend it on worthless illusions

so, after being here for so long, i've reached a sound conclusion:

what i found was a lost cause.

-Shandra e.

"HOW YOU DOIN"....

2009-12-14T20:31:00.001-08:00

Okay, so this is 2009, and I know, as women, we've come a long way from the submerged 1950's chick drowning in a sea of filthy laundry "too dirty to air", And we've Emerged from the bondage of social stigmas telling us we aren't allowed to make the 1st move, BUT GOODNESS....can't we still expect a man to Know How to pursue us?! and can't we sit back and let him do the chasing without any desire to make it easy...if that's what we choose??

Obviously NOT!

Is it just me or have men lost their "tactics" and skill when it comes to approaching a woman?! I recently read Steve Harvey's Book :ACT LIKE A LADY, BUT THINK LIKE A MAN and he said when a man approaches you, he's always plotting and scheming; he always has a plan and somewhere in that plan...HE HOPES TO SLEEP WITH YOU! (my mother would love this as her speech since my diaper days have been "they only want One thing"! lmbo) While i don't think Steve Harvey meant to say That's all men want, He still put it plain & simple...Men want it and basically they're estimating how long they'll wait and how hard they'll work to get it...from the moment they take interest.

My thing is: Ok, I get this...I even accept this....men are visuals...& truth be told, we all want it eventually. (That's not to say it's our sole intent!) BUT WHY IS IT that these days, a man's way of letting you know he's interested is "HOW YOU DOIN".....HOW BOUT YOU DON'T! like seriously, every guy, whether he's 23, 27, 30, 38, or 15 ( i look young x-/) comes up with the same lame idea to say How You Doin'....AND NOTHING MORE!! AND then they sit there in your face, staring...HARD...obnoxiously looking over the outfit (Steve talks about this as well) and vaguely paying attention to your response for the actual question....As if they're simply waiting for you to take it from there!!??? As if They did the hard part by coming over to approach you, now you have to show some kind of obvious delight before they'll go out on a limb to say another word??! lmbo....UHHH HOW BOUT YOU DON'T ( i will look at you totally unimpressed...with nothing more to say, but "good"...as i keep it pushing!) ugh....

SO, There's this guy....he's 15yrs older than me...a colleague...SWAGG for days (can't believe i noticed, but YES)....nice car, great educational background (HBC is a plus), dresses nice, even walks like he'll run the show...if you let him. BUT for some odd reason, he can't get past saying "HOW YOU DOIN' MS. EDWARDS" with those googly eyes and parted lips...nearly 4/5 times a day!!!! Like what gives??! I swear...i'm out payin my car note...a guy's checking me out (early 20's) i catch his eyes "HOW YOU DOIN?"...I'm on a feild trip with my kids (from work), the bus driver, 21 (he decided to vent "aloud"...riiight), stares me down from the rear view mirror (like omg watch the road...HOW BOUT YOU DON'T KILL ME BEFORE you try to holla??!)...then when i'm exiting the bus...AT THE END OF THE FREAKIN TRIP...yep...smh..."HOW YOU DOIN??"....it's like cummon what's up?! Is it just me....Or have women made it so easy for men to get what they want, alot of men lack luster when it comes to actually trying?! Instead they admire you like crazy...just to ask "HOW YOU DOIN" and see how YOU take it from there?! smh....i don't have the patience or time & i'm liable to say how YOU doin....like Wendy Williams taught me right! ;) lmbo....i'm done with it

hmmm...And then there's that other book "He's Just Not that Into You"??!! lmbo....but as for the "colleague"...i've heard through the grapevine (& he's diggin' me)...SO i don't know...am I being stubborn??? maybeee....but i just can't make it easy; i feel he's too old for this...and i'm too....well...too.....I SWEAR...I am still part-feminist x=p

*And not all of 'em come at me with "HYD" but still...too many do! It's like the ones who say more are with that "can i be your friend" movement; they missed the memo...new catch phrase guys! lol..

...and then i wonder if my response seems so lack-luster itself...they conclude i'm not interested?? hey...it's possible?!

& perhaps someone, somewhere is responding to my HOW BOUT YOU DON'T with an OH, DON'T. EVEN!

lol...

"AFTER THE RAIN"...WE PRETEND

2009-12-14T19:53:00.000-08:00

I'm told this song is played in Victoria's Secret ALL THE TIME (my sis works there) & I'm convinced it's Really good! The artist is lead singer of the group "LITTLE DRAGON" reminiscent of Early Erykah Badu! I Love it and the video may confuse some, but I sense a very Political undertone going on here that I ADORE! LISTEN, WATCH, ENJOY :)

After the rain we forget
We make sure we gain then we leave it
‘Cause we're a nation of forgetters
Oh after the rain we pretend
It’s easier to begin without looking back

SHE'S BOMB....look up more of her stuff! (She's very conceptual!) Try "Constant Surprises" & "No Love" Especially!! (reminds me of tweet & a little of Lauryn Hill too) ...i give 'em both a nod ;)

TOBY (Spider Man) McGUIRE Shows Out:BROTHERS review

2009-12-08T00:48:00.000-08:00

**Not to mention Jake Gyllenhall was looking his best in this flick!! He's on the list! lol

I just got home from one of the greatest movies of the year!!!! However, it was TOO REAL.TOO SOON! I don't know that i could watch it again for a long time, but it was REALLY GOOD!! This movie highlights the reality of the war, life after, and life to be cherished before. Still, i walked out of the theatre with every emotion hanging over my shoulder =(

I feel heavy.

....It's not "just a movie".

and i don't know that i could "suggest it to a friend".

IF TOBY McGuire DOESN'T GET AN OSCAR AND EVERY AWARD POSSIBLE for this role....the world's gone mad! I wanted to give him a standing ovation; he tapped into a place & stayed there until we literally realized how REAL those emotions are for so many people...

**4 starz and a fist full of tears!!

"What Sheridan's newest film Brothers attempts to share with its audience is the psychological pain of a soldier thrust back into home life and toll it takes on the family.Brothers tells the story of Sam (Tobey Maguire), a Captain for the Marines who goes on a tour in Afghanistan and is captured by Al-Qaeda along with a fellow soldier and is tortured and hounded for intelligence. Presumed dead, his wife Grace (Natalie Portman) is mourning his loss while trying to raise his two daughters. His brother Tommy (Jake Gyllenhaal) has just been released from jail and trying to adjust to life outside prison and facing constant ridicule from his alcoholic father (Sam Shepard). When Sam is pronounced dead, Tommy's paternal instinct kicks in and plays the family role in helping Grace take care of the girls. As months pass, Grace and Tommy's once rocky relationship goes a different route. But all changes when Sam is rescued and brought back home".

ECLIPSE...the Saga continues!! :)

2009-12-07T20:50:00.000-08:00

*fanmade poster

I can remember being sooo anxious for NEW MOON to premier and Now that i've seen it...I can't Wait for the next installment!!! ECLIPSE, the third Twilight movie is set to hit theatres Wednesday, June 30, 2010 =D lol....it's funny because I have yet to read any of the books, still I find myself engulfed like everybody else???

I found this sneak peak for the Plot (more like the inner flap to the ECLIPSE novel)!

"As Seattle is ravaged by a string of mysterious killings and a malicious vampire continues her quest for revenge, Bella once again finds herself surrounded by danger," the plotline explains of the film based on Stephenie Meyer's "Eclipse" novel. "In the midst of it all, she is forced to choose between her love for Edward and her friendship with Jacob -- knowing that her decision has the potential to ignite the ageless struggle between vampire and werewolf. With her graduation quickly approaching, Bella has one more decision to make: life or death."

Okay So I just, decided (impulsively) to read the books!! Why??? I've always been a distant fan of Shakespeare & NEW MOON was so reminiscent of Shakespeare's work to me!! I have a feeling i'll fall in love with the fluidity of the language.

...either that, or i'll vomit from all the sapp ;)

When The Silence speaks so Loud

2009-12-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

and i don't know why i can't love you, but i can't

those times of looking up into your eyes, dashing to your side

wrapping myself around your legs....

they're over

holding your hands in mines

resting my heart in yours, laying my head on your shoulder

I'm Older

and it's a past time i can't even remember

it's a lost time and i choose not to find it

nor will i ever long to rewind it

i've decided the love's not lost it's just hiding

and all we can do is be silent...

HeartBreak Hotel & Not So Good(byes)...

2009-11-30T22:37:00.001-08:00

Do.Not.Disturb swings from these doors like a pendulum

and i can't tell if you're coming or going

so whether you leave or stay

my heart remains vacant

because i have already shut you out

-Shandra e.

*i always struggle with goodbyes =/

Hence the reason why i keep people at bay...

it takes so much work to get people out of your system; especially when they vanish unexpectedly!

and it takes more work to distance people who are potentially good for you, all because you're afraid of "uncertainties".

*sigh....

The Never ending Journey...

2009-11-30T21:49:00.000-08:00

And if love is your destination it's bound to end

lets go on a journey and fall fast

every day

along the way....

♥ Shandra e.

after "Black Friday" comes CYBER MONDAY!!!

2009-11-30T19:12:00.000-08:00

If You missed BLACK FRIDAY, don't feel so bad...IT'S CYBER MONDAY!! :) Be sure to check out all your favorite stores online for special promotions!!

It was an Accident...

2009-11-25T00:20:00.000-08:00

and if these two worlds could collide, inspite of the pain we tried so desperately to hide

anything is possible

anything can happen when you no longer care to STOP.

in the name of "Love" i've seen tears fall and turn into oceans

i've seen words dance as they finally fell victim to motion

and then without potion, your magic took over....

you are the driving force on my journey called love

CRASH into me....

and i swear i'll act surprised.

♥ Shandra e.

She Reigns....QUEEN B!

2009-11-24T19:06:00.000-08:00

Brandy singing Change Gone Come by: Thee Sam Cooke (gotta LOVE him)!!!

So, I am one of thee biggest Brandy appreciators, but i will admit she was doing a tad too much, NEVERTHELESS....she was still Bomb!!!

Mr. Marvin Gaye...

2009-11-22T16:08:00.000-08:00

watch the whole thing ;o)
lol...the end is a trip....

I Want his jacket!!!
...like seriously, i think Michael was secretly harvesting up ideas from Marvin?! lol...JK...
But rest assured, Just like MJ, Mr. Marvin always made an effort to individualize his look with a special jacket/vest of some sort!! But wait, Notice how he wiggles out of that vest at the end of the song...Hillarious!!!! ;-o
lol...&& he's a trip for sliding in & out of those suspenders with all those sound effects!! lmbo...

Holding on For Dear Life...

2009-11-18T01:51:00.000-08:00

don't tell me to move on and get over it

..perhaps... i never will

Maybe I'm comfortable holding on to something I've already lost..

& maybe your heart is just as empty as my hands..

-Shandra e.

Popular idiom: hold on for dear life
to use a lot of effort to keep something...

Dating VS. Hanging Out VS. just out on A date VS. Courting???

2009-11-15T21:12:00.000-08:00

Hey so i have a question: If a guy & a girl are talking via telephone for quite a while, and suddenly the guy says "when are we gonna go out" (SIDE BAR:what does that mean...intentions, etc???) However, the girl says "oh, well just to let you know, "i'm not looking for a relationship or anything like that", then he says "that's not a problem, i still wanna take you out"....IF SHE AGREES TO GO OUT, WHAT MESSAGE IS SHE SENDING?? Should she trust that they really are on the same page (as in: neither want a relationship) OR is she leading him on by agreeing to go on the date?AND what If he says, "it's koo, i just wanna take you out", BUT She KNOWS he's really into her. Again, is she leading him on by going on the date even though she knows he wants more than she does?! Or has she been "up front"/ honest; therefore she has no fault (since she "kept it real from the jump)"????

Hopefully all that wasn't confusing; we went in circles about this at church....I NEED TO KNOW WHAT EVERYONE THINKS??!

ALSO: What classifies a "DATE" and when are people considered to be dating vs. simply getting to know each other or is it all just the same thing??? help me out yall....they had me sooo frustrated; I have my own thoughts, BUT i just wanna hear different opinions! ;-o

After "500 hundred years of suffering" Justin Timberlake agrees...

2009-11-15T00:39:00.000-08:00

Jamie Foxx is a mess! ha ;-p Funny. Crazy. Beautiful. I love him! BUT HOW in the world do you use slavery to get a white artist on your track??! lmbo...only he would!

NOW, as for the dance contest: the chick who "needs to eat" should've won cuz none of the other ones were doing too much either...Especially the one suspened between her TOO TIGHT belt used as a girdle!! lmbo HOTT MESS! ;-o

&& i just realized he called the last girl "leather pants"...lmbo well, Leather pants won the money.

SWEET DREAMS!!! Nothing Like Bey :)

2009-11-15T00:12:00.000-08:00

I swear...Her craft and skill when it comes to singing AMAZES ME Beyond any other!!! (Don't get me wrong BRANDY is still the illest, but i don't really like comparing the 2...they're in 2 different lanes winning the same race! ...each deserves their own props!..not a comparison )

Anyhoo, BEYONCE is always revamping her work, always creating and recreating...i love it/her! Her God-Given "talent" is beyond this world & she makes me wanna take off work, just to sing around the house all day??! lol...but Only in hopes that I Too will sound Amazing??!
Listen to this craziness...smh...I LOVE THE WAY SHE FLIPS ALL OF HER SONGS & TURNS THEM INTO BALLADS!!

She's So DOPE!!!

Sweet Dreams

Beyonce MySpace Music Videos

REASONS Never Change...

2009-11-10T01:32:00.000-08:00

You go first

No, you go first

Okay...lets go together

Or better yet...what if we never let go

i swear, i could hold on forever

♥ Shandra e.

In The Mean Time....

2009-11-10T00:57:00.000-08:00

What if he never comes

And Perhaps He's running late

Give me Seven Reasons Why I should wait on a Fairytale...

there's no happy ending

i looked at this picture & that's what i saw: a woman settling for Mr. Right Now simply because her perception of Mr. RIGHT was all wrong...& I swear i've seen "this picture" before...

-Shandra e.

"It's YOUR body...Do What You Want"!

2009-11-10T00:44:00.000-08:00

Pro Choice

Capital Punishment

Stem Cell Research

STOP

...In The Name of LOVE

Not Your Average JOE

2009-11-08T21:35:00.000-08:00

I've been playing Joe's music out for the past few days so i decided i just had to rant about him!!! Okay, So I Love this Dude!! Been in love with everything he does, since the 90s, when he dropped "ALL THE THINGS ya man won't do"!!! WOOOwee...That song right there...lol...the 1st time a guy ever sang a serenade to me, it was that song! :) But Yeah, JOE is definitely one of my Top Favs when it comes to R&B...really just male vocalist period; he's up there on the list!

&& Besides, These days you have to be Vocal about your musical lovers or else you'll get lumped with the post mortem groupies (ewwww!). I must've went loco when someone had Nerve to ask my younger sister "since when have you been a Michael Jackson Fan"??? WT...How about All her life! lol...it wasn't even directed to me, but I was Offended! Anyhoo, i might not adore the fashion from the 90z but truly some of the Greats reigned during that "era"!! They say it was something to grow up as a teen in the 80z (& it was; no discredit) BUT Bout time the 90z hit, Michael was leading us to the climax of his career! Brandy popped on the scene, Whitney promised she'd always love you & Tupac....sigh....we had Tupac!
I'm a LOVER of ALL music, but i can be a R&B junkie for real!

Some of My Top JOE hits:

- All the Things -It's Me

-Sweeter than Sugar - If I was Your Man

-Dropped your dime -Beautiful

-I wanna Know -Treat Her Like a Lady

-Life of the Party -Can'T Get Over You (cover)

-Don't Wanna Be a Player No More -What If a Woman

- The "New" album SIGNATURE is FIYA!!!! =D

I'll try to Fix You

2009-11-08T17:54:00.000-08:00

Here's India Shawn singing FIX YOU by ColdPlay!
I love the way she sings with so much passion; another one of Brandy's "musical offsprings"! :)

& Here's the Original by Cold Play along with the (great) Lyrics!!!

Beneath My Wings

2009-11-08T01:38:00.000-08:00

Falling fast

hitting hard

and I never knew rock bottom would be a place for me

guess that's what i get for thinking i could defy the laws of gravity

still i got so high

thought i could fly

until you proved you had been carrying me

all along

it was your power equipping me

after all

your strength, sustaining me

always

your breath of fresh air surrounding me

your sweet grace now humbling me

i'm grateful for it all

♥ shandra e.

Dear Love,

2009-11-08T01:19:00.000-08:00

I've been avoiding this for quite some time, but i finally decided to face you

all those years i was so busy trying to replace you

drawing my own conclusions, still i could never trace you

...so i colored outside the lines

and i swear i must've turned the page a thousand times

only to find my world was black and white

something was missing and nothing seemed to be right

but as long as i had you, it was worth another fight

so i kept trying

sometimes love knocks you down

and sometimes you're just lying to mask the truth

i was knocked down and out

...these stitches are the proof that
love lost is love never had

so really what's the use

you took my heart beat just to pound it with abuse

showed me rose colored paintings

your Lies became the muse

so here's an eye for an I forgive...

My Dear love,

i live to give you chances...

-shandra e.

Just In:This Is It....

2009-10-29T00:43:00.000-07:00

So i JUST got in from Michael Jackson's This Is It

and i will say IF you are truely a fan

You definitely Need to Go to the Theatres

Don't just wait for the DVD

After submitting my movie ticket stub

I was greeted by a lady with a Badge for the "event"

I felt like i was a V.I.P at his concert or something

or more so like i was given a backstage pass

...and really that's exactly what the "movie" is...

I LOVED IT

Michael's look & sound was closer to himself then it had been in a long time

& even better, there was so much live vocal footage!

HUMAN NATURE had to be my favorite part

he sang it live, as he rehearsed it,

in addition to simultaneously composing and editing it.

Michael Jackson is a musical genius

& Music is Forever

Love is Always

go see it :)

♥

*also, If you watched MTB (Making The Band) religiously, you should recognize a familiar face (CHRIS from season 3), he was also on America's best Dance Crew as well as 106&Park....I LOVE seeing people start from the bottom & work their way to greatness right before my eyes! It's a testament that dreams come true. I was amazed everytime he was on the camera..out of thousands of dancers, he made the top 11!! That's Crazy; i love it!

&& I LOVE Michael Jackson =)

All Men are DOGS!

2009-10-25T21:01:00.000-07:00

If you lay down with dogs, you'll wake up with Flees.

If you wake up with Flees...

you were a little Dirty to begin with!

-Shandra e.

lmbo....that just came to me as i left a blog comment on some guys site! He, himself, was saying that all men are dogs...& wow...i had to disagree?!

"Stylish" vs. the "god-forbidden"...REGULAR

2009-10-24T19:50:00.000-07:00

So, I just saw a pic of Dawn's new hair style consisting of leopard-print bangs??? && I got to thinking...Why does the epitome of every female artist look like some developmentally stunted "woman" playing dress-up for High School Hallways?! (wow...i guess with the present fan-base of music buyers..some of them are...but still!)

There's Amber Rose, Crazy-Gaga, Rihanna (YES i said it) & Now Dawn too! smh...they're too old for all this...especially Dawn & Amber! It's like, why does being an artist suddenly mean your image has to overwhelm who you are & what you're trying to accomplish?!! It's like all of these people are using their image to over-compensate for their lack of talent?? (or they need/want TOO much attention *cough-gaga)

...Sad thing is, DAWN has major talent...makes you wonder if she really knows it or not (or maybe the industry is so "gone" she wonders whether we know it or not, so she succumbs to being "typical"?! Either way, Beyonce is one of the greatest female performers today, & even She knows her weave has a limit! lol...So what's wrong with everyone else & their weaves/over-doing it hair-cuts & outfit choices???

Now I never said Dawn looks a hott mess, cuz she still looks fly & most times, so does Rihanna (i even adore her fits..a lot) BUT it is a bit YOUNG nonetheless. I just think they're all trying way TOO hard...it's a bit obnoxious & they're defeating the purpose: i'm bored!

soon enough, simply being Normal or the "god-forbidden" 'regular' will seem exotic! lol...

And i miss how it was back in the day, when all of these "exotic" looks and fads were left to the ones with epic star-quality.

Stars like MJ and Prince or even nasty Madonna...where are they now ??? so yeah...DON'T answer that =/

word to the wise....from the Great...

2009-10-22T00:56:00.000-07:00

"All of the "Greats" die lonely...becuz they never received from anyone...what they gave to the World... their all
And if tomorrow were my last day....somebody better call me great."-j.Aiko

http://thelotusblossoms.blogspot.com

"SO...WHATCHU TRYNA SAY"???

2009-10-21T01:50:00.000-07:00

...I love you, BUT.....I'm not in love with you????

What in the world does that mean & who came up with such a generic excuse?!