Tuesday, June 30, 2009

How Bout You DON'T!!!

Ok, back in H.S we had a column in the paper in which we gathered all our observations and suggested the most simplest yet candid advice: HOW BOUT YOU DON'T!! lol..."HBYD" is a way of obviously stating 1. a problem and 2. a dead end answer that basically leaves you with no other options so HBYD!!!

1. This morning I went to the doctor's office to get my skin test read (TB test) for work, and lets just say MEN, HOW BOUT YOU DON'T try to "holla" at a woman at the Doctor's OFFICE?!! Like uhg...You don't know me Or What I got (nothing mind you) AND I don't know you Or what You Got SO shouldn't the last place you scout for a woman be the SICK HOUSE??? Lol...Sad thing is, the bruthah was CUTE??! Even came back & shook my hand (after staring & walking away...off??) said "what's your name, nice to meet you" & all that mess...smh...HOW BOUT YOU DON'T!

2. While in Rite Aid glutonizing (not a real word) on their GOOD O' Ice Cream (thrifty!!), I noticed these women with big O' strips of plastic across their foreheads...sad thing is, one of the ladies barely had a forehead (weird...cuz black people got FO heads?!) but yeah, LADIES, HOW BOUT YOU DON'T get a Lace Front wig, Fail to style & tailor it to your head, and then step out in public like you're Beyonce's background vocals....There's a reason Kelly & Michelle stayed in the back...AND If your Head aint big like TYRA's....PLEASE have a stylist CUT the lace in the front so that it's as close up to the hair line as possible!!! lol...and NOTE" most people use make-up to blend...TRY SOME! rme...it was a mess!! and no, I've never tried one...i just thought I'd make a "suggestion" ;) lol...

3. MJ Fans HOW BOUT YOU DON'T drown yourself in sadness LIKE ME!!! ...i just had to blast myself...HBYD post like 8 back-to-back blogs about him, scaring your (minimal) new readers away, from MJ overload...What was life like before...If for some strange reason, You happened to write a MJ blog the night Before "Thursday" like me...well...think back Further!!! lol Come on Yall, We Can DO IT!! Lets Celebrate his Life!!! OK and I'll shut up now before i start thinking too nostalgic AGAIN!! which only leads to upside down happy faces and misplaced emotions?!! lol...HBYD!

Who's BAD?!

So as i mentioned, back in the day, me & my siblings (all 7 of them...8 includes ME)...we'd obsess over Michael all day while at the daycare!! They would let us stay in the room watching his videos because it kept us "quiet".

...although quiet consisted of Random yells, left leg kicks that sometimes landed on right side of faces, & just bizarre fanatic behavior!! lol...We'd come home taunting my mom...she allowed ONLY gospel in the House so we'd come home Chanting WHO'S BAD...Singing, dancing, and eventually getting on her LAST nerve!!

It's been a long time, but it's Crazy the way life works....Michael spoke of his Lost childhood yet i think many of his fan's childhood (like mine) are so memorable because He was in it!!! SO Lo & Behold, I arrived home from work and my 15 yr. old brother gave me the ultimate Flashback...& i couldn't help but join in on all the fun!! lol

Im Bad!

...You know It!

WHOs BAD!..I came home to all THIS!!

yo sistah!

yo brutha!! (MY brutha)

did i mention its my 8yr old sis jacket..with Fur cuffs! haha..WHOs BAD?!

LMBO...last minute wardrobe...can you see the Tape holdin it together D

lol...He stole our 9yr old sister's jacket that happens to have faux fur collar/sleeves, took our little brother's baseball glove, cut-out the fingers, stole my other sister's bracelets, had the audacity to Brake them (fake anyway!) AND TAPE them to the jacket!!! lmbO...then he gathered a bunch of loose chains and a studded belt...lol well HE TRIED!!!

yo butt is minezzzz!!!


by the way...all my brothers sing, but I'm the only sister who "sings" (technically we all do)...but yeah, so would that make me Janet?? nah...lol...funny, but true?!

Monday, June 29, 2009

B.E.T Awards 2009 MJ Tribute..

After a long weekend of marathons and spending hours on youtube, b.e.t, and google as i tried to cling to everything Michael, I just wanted to EXHALE while watching the tribute. However, during the entire show, i was holding my breath! In a last minute, yet honorable, attempt to tribute the KING, B.E.T did a wonderful job of changing/re-working everything! So I am not disappointed in B.E.T, but I do feel a bit disappointed in certain artist! I was holding my breath, waiting and expecting obvious MJ fans like Usher (he was like our second coming..well not really, but even Mike acknowledged him?!) and what happened to Chris Brown?? I mean, yeah...so he just had the run in with...Rihanna's face, BUT STILL...he couldn't whip something up for us...for Michael??! And Justin Timberlake..as much as he "invades" everything B.E.T...I'm not sure if he loved Michael or Janet more, but goodness WHERE WAS HE??? I was kind of mad...like for real, but then when Janet came out, you forgot about everything and realized that WHOA...this is all real and Michael is really gone; he's not coming out to accept some award...we waited to late & now he's gone! It's something that Alicia Keys mentioned herself, that we should've been doing these type of things before...and it's true. I actually think the entire world is mourning so much because some of us feel slightly guilty...like We Loved him, but we almost forgot how great he IS..His greatness never died, but throughout the years...you would've thought even his greatest fans had abandoned him for new cats like Neyo (ooh no)?! While, this is not the case for me...i still think we all have to go through the process of grief and "guilt' is definitely one of those steps...along with anger...now we just want to blame somebody!! I know I DO...i want another reason...
he didn't just have a "heart attack"...he's INVINCIBLE right??! =/

Before i drown in sorrow, I will say that NEYO did his thing!! He represented like a true admirer of the King. Jamie stepped up to the plate and it only made it more obvious that others had failed to swing the bat?!! So i don't know, Usher might've had divorce drama, perhaps Chris couldn't make appearance because of his court drama, and maybe JT was tending to his other network MTV?? I was even looking at Beyonce like "what does this have to do with ANYTHING?! lol..it's not about Talent right now, you got it, we Know, but shut up & say something Michael-ish"!! lmbo ( she was BOMB though...just kind of pointless for the event)...either way i was left waiting for something that never came!!

As for Janet...WOW...she embraced us with such strength by stepping out on that stage!! I would've stayed my butt in bed, but WOW, that's commendable!! It made me tear up and Joseph (the dad) seemed pretty uhmm...well, i just thought it was weird yet still comforting to see him front row & centered "all smiles"??! BOTTOM LINE....I'm just glad WE did it first; No one else deserved that right...to Honor the King Of POP...like Jamie said "He belongs to us & we just shared him" :)

lol...AND JAMIE...That foo was hilarious!!!! I'm so in love with him & his humor!!

....&& SAY WHAT...TEVIN CAMPBELL (babyyy)?!!lol ...NEW EDITION...
Baby Boy re-enactments! lol..MAXWELL (yum)....so many great surprises i must admit!!

What did you think???

Sunday, June 28, 2009

whole truth & nothing, but the truth!

I was tagged by STARZ http://withlovestarz.blogspot.com/2009/06/10-honest-truths.html

she nominated me to give my 10 honest truths about myself & I couldn't pass so....

1. I hate driving With passengers; I prefer & Only enjoy driving alone!...anything else still feels like I'm taking the test all over again...probably "post traumatic stress" because i failed the 1st time!! lol...

2. I've heard whispers about my "sexy walk"...THE SECRET behind it all: I'm slightly bow legged & not to mention my hips are asymmetrical! lmbo "oh the irony"?!

3. I have always loved pampering myself!! and sometimes I expect to be pampered/spoiled by others...

4. when it comes to hair styles, I Bore easily!!... always cutting & changing up my hair these days..

5. Me & my friends love people watching!! lol...sometimes we come up with "life stories" for complete strangers!! lmbo it's pathetic & hilarious all at once!

6. One moment I'm too fat & the next, I'm too skinny!! my sister thinks i have BDD (body dismorphic disorder...as if i see myself through a "fun house" mirror"!?? lol...on some days she may be right...but woooo Today, I'm Fat!! lol

7. Sometimes i would shut off my emotions, just so i wouldn't be like "them". I denied myself the right to be angry, hurt, etc...Once upon a time, i "loved"...i sometimes resent that EVERY single emotion i felt/tried not to feel is recycled. reduced. & reused....like there's some collection of cluttered females all feeling the same; more than anything, i "hate" him for that...(big Step admitting this...I've been trying to put it in words for a minute now....hopefully I'll post it Soon!!)

8.my mom's dad had weird dreams, so does she...she once dreamt he died and two weeks later, he did....SO do I....

9. i love eating out & doing little things by myself...makes me feel "sexy"! lol...

10. upon tackling this, i realized while i am both Open & honest, I'm not as "open" as i thought...this was HARD!! it took me a week just to decide what i would say. lol

SO...What's your "whole Truth & nothing, but The truth"????

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Shooting Stars.....*

Staring into the blue-black and clear sky, i counted what i thought to be six stars. And before i could include number seven, i realized it was only an airplane preparing for landing. It was back then when the midnight sky in L.A was full of dreams and pollution free...or at least to a child, it seemed to be?! And then suddenly without warning, star number four was catapulting through blankets of darkness, falling fast and gone too soon before i could catch it. I wondered what would happen if i did catch it; would that make it a shooting star or a falling star...and now i realize it all depends on what and who "you" are.

I can not pretend that i was this deep and intellectual child so into astrology or the psychology of falling stars. All i know is that one night i stared into the sky, bypassed the moon and realized those stars are not obligated or destined to stay....

Michael Jackson has been lighting our musical skyline for FOUR decades until the moment he catapulted from this life into the next, gone too soon. We cannot stop or catch him, because like a star transforming back into its natural gaseous state, he has finally changed the world! No longer present, but still here...everywhere within us. A shooting star, never too far, but gone too soon..........

So we can drown in sorrow because a star has fallen or we can take notice as the sky's light brightens from shooting stars passing through....
Thursday, we all witnessed a shooting star*

R.I.L(ove) MICHAEL JACKSON, Farrah, & Ed McMahn

Friday, June 26, 2009



I have never been a Jay Z Fan but GOL-LY he has just found a FAn in ME!! lol

his new joint is FIYA!!!!

I love Agression...& he's so Forward & Neccessary!!!

Cuz Best believe I'm sick of all this Auto-tune crap too!!!

GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!

ANd *sigh..............He finally helped me EXHALE after all the MJ sadness!!!

i've been Down ALL DAY, but this song just took me UP about 5 knotches!!! ;o)

lol...He's about to do a small city Tour too!!

wOoohOoo I like JAy Z now guys...Never thought I'd see the day!! =)

lol..although he has caught me at an OPEN and emotional state..almost like a rebound lover?!

Bottom LINE...you need to Listen cuz HE GOES HARD!!

..I've seen it

It was the day I woke up to your sound, found my heart in your sound,

brought you to my musical playground

and like records going round, it all comes back full circle!

It was the day i decided i wanted to move like you
not just physically, but world wide like you do...
i wanted to Move people through Music like you
so i drew a pretty picture of your childhood influencing mines
a broken story
not alike, but interwtined
...I've seen it.

*my response to "Childhood", a song written by Michael Jackson....

the day I fell in love with him/his music...I seen the investment (yet loss) in his childhood spark inspiration into mines!!! I look at dancers like Wade Robinson, Usher, Chris Brown, Neyo, etc & i see how Michael Jackson's career has effected so many people and their (dancing) careers!! OKAY...I hope i get over the sadness soon & start "posting as usual", but for the sake of this blog, again...I'm just SO sad =/

Thursday, June 25, 2009


He once said in an interview, "so many people have learned about him from a distance through lies in the media, but if we really want to know him we should listen to the most honest, autobiographical song he's ever written: CHILDHOOD". I just listened to him quote those words on a CBS special & i decided to stop, listen & post the video. I remember watching it EVERY single day in the early 90s (because it was apart of the moonwalk video special)...it was actually the only song i laughed at/didn't like, but now that i'm older i can actually listen & appreciate the lyrics...we all should.....*sniff =(

Some poetic lyrics in there
"Have you seen my childhhod, i'm searching for the world that i come from cuz i've been looking around in the lost & found of my heart...no one understands me"

"people say i'm not okay cuz i love such elementary things, is it my fate to compensate for the child.....I've never known...my childhood"

WOW...soooo sad & poetic; he was a beautiful writer, performer,etc...i'm heartbroken just thinking of his life story!!! His childhood was misplaced and he never really got to see old age! So shocking and unexpected, still i can remember a "what If" game years ago "what if Michael Jackson died"?? all i remember is me & all my friends screaming "don't play like that; that's not even a good question"...

smh...I still can't answer it!! =/
so sad!!


He was just preparing for his comeback tour in Europe & now this???
I'm so sad; I have loved Michael since my preschool days in the 80s!!!!

He passed away today around 12:20pm at the Ronald Regan Memorial hospital (UCLA MEDICAL CENTER) from a heart attack (cardiac arrest, slipped into a deep coma)....how do you exhale after something like that?? i'm just soo sad; i knew it would "effect" me if/when he passed, but man....it's really sad!! :{


"White Horse"

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now
by: taylor swift

White Horse - Taylor Swift

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

MJ and PRINCE....

Prince Jackson Pictures, Images and Photos

Ok so I always remember seeing bits and pieces of Michael Jackson's son Prince in the media, from behind the veil, LOL and i would always say, you know, I think he might actually be his real son; i see a resemblance?! lol...I always thought their eyes were similar. Recently TMZ caught up with the Father & Son duo && LO AND BEHOLD look who's without a mask??!! SO yeah, i stick to my guns & say Prince definitely resembles Michael....what do you think?!
Now that girl (his daughter) she's a different story!! lol maybe I'll find pics. of her later...

Monday, June 22, 2009

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

TUPAC: The Beautiful Mind

The Rose that Grew from Concrete
Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature's law is wrong it learned to walk with out having feet. Funny it seems, but by keeping it's dreams, it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else ever cared.


Fallen Star
They could never understand what u set out 2 do, instead they chose 2 ridicule u, when u got weak they loved the sight of your dimming and flickering starlight, How could they understand what was so intricate, 2 be loved by so many, so intimate, they wanted 2 c your lifeless corpse this way u could not alter the course of ignorance that they have set 2 make my people forget what they have done for much 2 long 2 just forget and carry on, I had loved u forever because of who u r and now I mourn our fallen star


In the Event of My Demise
In the event of my Demise when my heart can beat no more, I Hope I Die For A Principle or A Belief that I had Lived 4, I will die Before My Time Because I feel the shadow's Depth, so much I wanted 2 accomplish before I reached my Death, I have come 2 grips with the possibility and wiped the last tear from My eyes, I Loved All who were Positive In the event of my Demise


I'm so glad another blogger reminded me of this day: 38 years ago, A beautiful Man with a Beautiful mind was born! And on my 10th birthday, as if passing the torch, he finished his race....

“we wouldn't ask why to a rose that grew from the concrete for having damaged petals, in turn, we would all celebrate its tenacity, we would all love its will to reach the sun"

All poems written by Tupac, found in his book: "The Rose That Grew From Concrete"!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Pretty Wings...

When I was in the second grade, I went on a trip to the zoo and i will never forget standing in the walkway, gazing at giraffes when suddenly a peacock was gazing back at me with widespread wings! And ever since, i have always loved these beautiful multicolored birds. I remember being anxious to tell everyone in my family I "finally" knew what I wanted to be when I grew up and when they stopped to ask "what", my voice, as loud as the colors of their wings, blurted out A PEACOCK! Everyone burst into laughter, as if I had yet another moment: you know, one of those moments when a child spills their heart and adults fail to take them serious, deeming everything spewing from their little mouths as "silly" and "how cute"! But I was serious, I really thought i could be a peacock when I grew up. Maybe I didn't have wings, but the peacock couldn't fly so that made us even. right?! Despite all of my "cute sayings", my little mouth caught the attention of a teacher at my school and suddenly they were discussing the possibility of skipping me a grade higher. Before the discussion could conclude, I interjected with my refusal, i would not leave my friends behind in second grade, i was too small to be in third grade, and i just didn't want to go. And as simple as that, everybody let it go.

Years later, I was watching the discovery channel, only to learn the meaning behind the peacocks feathers. In a call to mate, the male peacock spreads its wings/feathers to boast of his beauty and attract the affection of a female peacock! As if it had occurred the night before, i remembered my 2nd grade field trip and joked with some of the same family members, proclaiming that "obviously someone believed i would grow up to be a peacock"! ;o)

And last year, while visiting a zoo in Denver,CO, i sat on the grass journaling about everything life was placing at my feet, so perplexed about which direction to take, and I kid you not, A peacock walked right up to me, scared the mess out of me, had my pen & paper flying in the air....just to Open his wings?! As if confused and frightened, the peacock almost froze as if to ask "who are you"??! lol....My coworker joked that "birds of a feather flock together"; even noted that i was a "flashy peacock of a woman". Not sure whether to feel flattered or insulted i simply walked away with an Ah-ha moment that would only pronounce itself today:

A peacock May have the Prettiest Wings.....AND STILL SHE NEVER FLIES!

they say if you love someone let 'em go, & if they return you'll know it was meant to be...the thing is...I've always said if you let me go, I'll fly LIKE A BIRD...but sometimes I'd wonder, am i that flashy, boastful (all talk) kinda bird who shows you her wings (what she's made of), yet never takes flight?! Mentally I'm face to face with the peacock in Denver once again, and it frightens me to think, like his, my wings are just "pretty".....

When presented the opportunity to FLY and skip second grade, i relented...I showed my colorful wings and refused to use them. When presented with the opportunity to leave a love lost, i hesitated, but I revealed my colorful wings....and discovered I was another bird ;)

So it is true: Hold Me close, & I'll LOVE, you have my word;

Let Me go too soon & I'll FLY, Just like a bird.

...and there she goes................


I remember sitting in the house on hot summer days, watching Tom&Jerry, never realizing neither of them could speak. I sat there so in love with their musical chaos yet bored with the chase. When was Tom finally going to outsmart Jerry??? Later. My sister was much older than me, so she assumed she had a philosophy on every aspect of life. Later: Tom would get "tired of all that nonsense and Jerry would just get tired of running in circles and Later they'd just get along"?! Lol, for an eight year old, she had a pretty good solution, or perhaps as a four year old, i wasn't ready to rebuttal?! Either way, Later never came and it seemed like the games they played got crazier, the music grew louder, and eventually i realized them foos never said a word?!! ...they just made a bunch of noise, & it hit me! What if Later shows up too Late?

Back in those days when you grew weary of sitting in front of the television, you didn't just move to the other side of the room to gawk at a smaller, more addictive screen, you actually went outside. So like any normal child of the 80s, i'd grab a jump rope and skip my Lu to the end of the block, hoping for an ice cream truck jingle. You were never really allowed to go past the gate, but when the ice cream truck showed up, all the kids came rushing out with their nickle and dimes. Soon "zippitee doo dah" was drowned out by the sound of clashing coins found wedged within living room sofas. I never had much, but even a penny had value then. So i'd empty my pockets for a few Now And Laters, maybe a blow pop, a Tootsie roll, the cigaroll gum i had to sneak because "smoking is never funny or cute, so why act like it". ...My mom had so many staples drilled into my head growing up, but when i asked her why my hard & chewy candy was called a Now & Later after all, she simply replied "if i were you i'd eat it Now and save the questions for later"! ...still I could always trust my sister to come up with something, so ms. philosophical herself decided it was always good right here & now, but Later it leaves that Big oh mess! She was speaking of the stains left in your mouth, and as I reminisced these moments, I catapulted back to my NOW....

We never really understand what kids are saying, but sometimes the darnest things they say are the things we ought to figure out! So i took mom's up on her offer, i settled for the here & now, putting off all these questions hoping Later we'd be like Tom &Jerry, somehow getting along. But something went wrong and Tom never outsmarted Jerry...the show was cancelled and so was LOVE. You can only catch a re-run, but it's not the same...

I remember writing you letters, never signing my name, but sincerely leaving you with "LATER,"...i knew there was always more i had to say, more to give, more to us, but we'd get to it all....

or so i thought.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Eating My Words...

&& I can't wait to serve you a pot of your own!!



Eat Your Words. (midnight snack)

oops Pictures, Images and Photos

I'm known for remembering things i say to others & storing them in memory banks i like to withdraw from later in life, but HAVE YOU EVER responded to someone, calling yourself giving them a "sound piece of mind" only to realize you're regurgitating a meal of words you never fully digested yourself, so all the while you're "teaching" and learning YOUR OWN LESSON?!!! lmbO, i just left a blog comment for someone, and me being the analytical person that i am, decided I'd "preview" it 1st( and uh oh =D)...SO, HERE I AM....moments later....EATING MY OWN WORDS....they make a killer midnight snack ; )

so if the definition of love is unlimited, how can LOVE in its truest form suffer from limitations?! which brings everything back to fear...so i guess the real question (to self) would be: am I afraid that it's too soon or am I afraid that he doesn't love me?! or perhaps I'm afraid that this is all one big confusion & love is yet to be found...I always say that Love is not Blind, instead it has been blindfolded by those too eager to see for them selves. & that's not a blow to you, but a "Flag" to all. Love is Unlimited, so it's us...we come with all the boundaries =/
and there you have it: my foot carefully placed within my mouth. ; )

Your Name Goes Here______!

Tattooed across my chest, even skin couldn't keep us apart

whether we be a piece of work or a work of art

our love is permanent.

Wow...This photo took everything to another level...&& I'm such a transcendentalist at heart!! :) so this may be the shortest poem i've written, but it speaks on so many different levels of love...


wrapped in blankets of skin, we shared the silence.
you spoke in whispered gestures of carefully placed hands and strategically planted kisses. Holding me close, hoping someday I would be your Mrs. With wishes so far fetched, even Cupid hits and misses, so we settled for stolen moments alone. Within the mold of your arms, i was sheltered from harm of our reality, held high above numbered clouds, resisting the pull of gravity. Trying my best to avoid the open cavities within my heart...for all we knew, grew to unbearable volumes when we'd part, and the cycle of drowning the noise would always start all over again. Those cycles when my heart, so attached to my pen bled more than purple ink. from dust till dawn, the room spawn and all i could think about was You being without me...me being without being with you and how simply "being" would never do, if doing was an action without you?! All these scenarios blowing out of proportion, climbing to heights of suffocating altitudes,
choking the love out of me.
and that is why WE share the silence.
I'd rather be mute,
speaking words of nonverbals,
acting a script with no rehearsals,
living life without reversals,
if it means I'll always have you...


single, but totally Unavailable right??! ;)

Thursday, June 11, 2009


LOUGH.OUT.LOUD. or maybe not, but If this is what great writers, like John Mayer & James Fauntleroy are doing....lol....can we really Be mad at 'em??! ...I mean I'm no "Jennifer Anistan" so I can't say for sure, but goodness...would you sacrifice a potentially great lover for a dope/lyrical song??? ...Cause yeah Lovers bring those nice, soft, sweet and dripping like molasses kind of joints like "Nothing Really Matters", but Even Ms.Hill had to tap into the "EX FACTOR"! It's those hot like "hell", drenched in hate kinda joints that survive!! lol...so i don't know, maybe I'll be single for a minute ;)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

bleeding love...

Bleeding Love or Losing blood

I just don't know anymore

still i'm not sure i wanna survive.

I swear i've nearly died so many times

and tonight i'm ready to drown in all this love,

ready to drown until i wake up in another place

where your love can't find me.

so many times you've tried to revive me

blowing wind back inside me,

but "air" is not enough.

you've had me on your "love support" too long,

but tonight i'm pulling the cord.

i've outgrown the strings

no longer craving the scenes,

we should both retire our scripts...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Lets Make a Toast: TO MY NEW JOB..(s) =D

I have been applying to jobs like crazy and now I have Two!!! I am SO ELATED, words can't express how happy I am! It's the exact position I was hoping for my entire senior year!! Although I waited until December to start applying (i graduated in December)..start earlier People (learn from my mistakes!! lol) However, So far Life is going according to plans!! Looking at the state of the economy, I even applied to mall jobs just to ensure I would be able to pay my small bills & have a little spending money. It's crazy because I went on the interview to the mall last week & snagged the job at a Saddidy clothing store (loves it, 70% discount!!...lol. although a tshirt is nearly $100! ha). I'm so HAPPY!!! And Today, like literally minutes ago, I got the call from another job, saying They want to train me this summer by making me a paid substitute before I start the New school year in Fall!!! =) How great is that...two jobs & they happen to be the 1st/only interviews I've done since graduation!! lol...As a Behavioral Therapist, I will be working with Autistic Children within the LAUSD school system...Yess this is a job with benefits yall!! I'm SO HAPPY!! lol....Furthermore, I only deal with one case (child) a year, two at most to ensure I build a relationship with the child making it easier to make progress!! These children are sometimes mute and well kept and sometimes they grunt and fight...So i'm definitely up for a CHALLENGE! But I am so Ready; I was born for this!! Clinical Psychology is what I breathe for...after I take Two puffs for JESUS!! ; ) lol....My hours are PERFECT...They're school hours so i get off any where between 2:30/3:00!! Best thing about it is, I should be able to keep the job at the mall (part time!) and soon my dream of moving in my own spot will become a reality!!! I'll keep my fingers crossed; don't wanna go into it thinking I'll absolutely adore the Challenge, but I am definitely GRATEFUL!!!! Hopefully before the year is out, I'll be able to blog about my apartment shopping as well as prospective grad school choices for 2010!....So many plans...so many hills...so many Mountains...Can't Turn back now!!! :)


*Love like the Movies

-Brown Sugar
When you realise You want to spendThe rest of your life with somebody,You want the rest of your lifeTo start as soon as possible.

--When Harry Met Sally
* * * * * * * * *
There is a place You can touch a woman That will drive her crazy.Her heart.

- Milk Money
* * * * * * * * *
I love you without knowing how, why, or even from where

-Patch Adams
* * * * * * * * *
Samantha: I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?
Jerry: Never.
-The Mexican
Dory : You mean ... you mean you don't like me?
Marlin : No, of course I like you. It's because I like you I don't want to be with you. It's a complicated emotion.
-Finding Nemo
* * * * * * * * *
All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone to make us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, someone perfect is searching for us.
-The Wonder Years
* * * * * * * * *
Noah: I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.
-The Notebook



-Shandra E.

Monday, June 8, 2009

When Words Fail...MUSIC Speaks

Verse:]So love was long gone but we still tried to make a wayAnd in the wrong direction but going hard any wayWe should've stop at the next stopBefore we had a head on collision(but were moving)were moving moving(no aww) on a train going going miles awayFrom home to home saying bye to yesterdayWere running running (running)from the painHoping we don't go insane(go insane)(I heard the)I heard the crash I saw the fire I held my chest It was a messWe tried to prevent it our hearts were to deep in it(deep in it)We had a train wreck(woah) we had a train wreck(woah)We couldn't prevent it we couldn't prevent it we couldn't prevent it(we couldn't prevent it)yea

*NEXT TO BRANDY, Dawn is one of my favorite female artist! Of course it's not too far of a jump (as their musical style is real similar); but both of them are the TRUTH! :)

Friday, June 5, 2009


I hope that you're the one
If not you are the prototype....
well aint that some Pro-Typical mess?!
I guess I'm the one you can't afford so you'll settle for the knock-off
well i'll just Knock the chip off of your shoulder
Cuz You looking for me, everytime you hold her and when's she feeling insecure
I'm suddenly the one who has to mold her
as if you told her I was your personal ego-stroker
And then you scold 'er for knowing me & getting closer to the TRUTH
yeah, I'll be "THE ONE"...
the prototype chick who hangs you with these strings
thought you'd dangle me, turn me on & off like some machine?!
& when the tables were turned, Lo & behold, look who's Green...
They say curiosity killed the cat, but Jealousy changed the scene
Came strutting through with Amo looking lean
but best believe it was a PHAT surprise
couldn't trade the world, for that look within your eyes
that look suddenly pleading, with so many "why's"
so confused, creating your own Lies
so enraged, braking all the ties
so now you're undone
and I am still "the one"?!
well aint that some pro-typical mess!

*I like trash talking "love songs" & turning them into the fuel for "(ANTI)-poems!

undone 1
not done or completed; unfinished
undone 2
1. ruined; destroyed
2. unfastened; untied

CRAZY PUN:...UNDONE meaning UNTIED (no strings attached; "done"?!) YET UNDONE meaning INCOMPLETE, UNFINISHED (not done?!),& DESTROYED all at the same time?!...lol...now aint THAT some PRO-TYPICAL Mess!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

TRUE 80z Baby....

Goodness, I don't know what it is, but suddenly I feel compelled to play songs with that same cow bell and "Kick, Bass, snare" Beat!! lol...music from the 80/90z have a Distinct sound & you can't escape it!!! I was up all night, WIRED, like I was on some vintage drug...lol...that Back in the day Crack was no joke....haha, never smoked a day in my life, but Goodness, you knew when you walked down the street, when that guy was crawling around on Cement "treasure hunting"..he was on the Rock!!...You don't see that too often these days (well not in Cali...Denver's a Whole nutha story!! lol). But OMG....So I had a rush & all these falshbacks came pouring in!!!

And then I just start blurting out songs like "You Take the good, You take The Bad, Take them both & what do ya have the Facts of life"!!!! lol...To this day, My aunty still Calls me "TOOTY", it's a nick name that sticks...i was a fairly nosey & talkative child (much has changed! lol).

And then I remembered Family Ties??! OMG NOBODY talks about them anymore....Michael Keaton was posed to take me to Prom!!! lol...It was a dream, I wanted to be Veronica Keaton...Shows like Saved By the Bell and Fresh Prince came along, but you never really forgot that Different World started it all!!! Like when Whitley & Dwayne-wayne, FINALLY got to be together!!!...Their love made way for movies like Brown Sugar, Love&bball, etc

Now Everybody wants to fall in love with their best guy friend?!! lol...And then Martin...Goodness...I was sooo mad, never allowed to watch his "dirty mouth"...couldn't "condone" the publicized "fornication" going on, on the show, so stuff like that...You just Snuck!! lol....

Or what about when Lisa finally kissed Zack..and Poor Screech was heart broken! Or how Laura chose Steve (urkel) over Stephon?!!! lol...Why was he suddenly "fine", as if he truly looked different?! Perhaps that was the beginning of understanding the definition of SWAGG??! All in all, shows like Cosby, Blossom (once her brother started smokin "pot" couldn't watch?!lol), 21 Jump St (nooobody remembers that one!!), Full House, Dougie Howser!!! OMG, he's the reason we all Blog today!!! Because of him I am forever in love with shows with over-dubbed commentaries!! lol...I wanted to be a child Dr. like him, type SLOW like him (mission accomplished)....lol...BacK in the Day when I was Young, Not a Kid anymore....but some days, I wish I was a Kid again.....

and Then I think of songs Like "Jesse's Girl"...&& the ipod goes on shuffle!! =)

again..and Again..and Another Again...

My Favorite John Legend Joint!!!!

just like the song, it has to end eventually! lol...

Degrassi's Drake?!

OMG....So all this time I never realized DRAKE is JIMMY FROM DEGRASSI!! Lol...how late/out the loop am I?? (real late...do people even say "out the loop" any more?!) But Man...since when did this foo sing & rap??! No wonder Degrassi stopped airing new episodes! I actually stopped watching years ago, but still....How did I NOT know/realize this??! I mean, I heard the songs "Brand New" & "Best I Ever Had", but I never seen a photo until just now! Like wow...He's really good! So was I the only one not knowing or what?? and Wow...to simply say "you're the BEST" wasn't good enough huh??? Had to Show us "Degrassi" couldn't have him whipped like he some Disney poster child or something?! Lol...he going hard too...Talented dude!!

K.K.K (Kardashian)!

*Kourt might be my fav...but only because we're both Little!
All of 'em are beautiful...well when they're not cussin' out Kris (their mom), calling her by her 1st name as if we don't know who she is, or just being straight out disrepectful?! lol..&& Kim looks like Beyonce (face&body)!!

WOMAN, Be Thou Heeled....

...and set Free ; )
"Walk with ya nose up, with that sexy strut...that diva (diva!) swag"!

lol...every woman owes herself a nice pair (or collection) of heels!! =D

*One of the best songs on the album.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

*frantic romantic...

I am one of the most detached and seemingly "numb" chicks ever, yet I'm hopelessly romantic?! How that coexists, I'm not sure, but I know that i want a love that's real! For me, romance is more than some scenic love causing little girls to dream and esteem love as some fairy-dust-filled fantasy! It's more than a fat beat meeting lyrics that everyone suddenly relates to; & No movie could truly capture it all! Romance is lying in bed just to make-up our own lyrics...no beat, no rhythm, just Words! Romance is pure. It's about kisses without extra intentions. Letters just to say "i couldn't get you off my mind; so i decided I'd write you my thoughts". Its about pure thoughts. Romance is about all the noise within the silence! Making small gestures with big plans and actually staying around to see it all come together! Romance is all about building passion.....
When there is passion, Romance is not limited to corny lines; it is both sweet & sensual! So I want a Love that's real, romantic & right!!

Ever girl deserves a man that's interested in giving her a tailor made experience (& vise versa)! She shouldn't feel as though his hand-me down love is a "knock-off" version of what he gave the last chick and He shouldn't be recycling his emotions. Romance involves learning love through your partners eyes. If we loved everyone the same, we'd be miserable & so would the poor recipient of our tainted "love"! No one would be satisfied & everyone would wonder where's the reciprocation??? Everyone has a different love-language & Romance is about mastering your lover's language and earning your credentials! I want o learn something new & no matter how many list & descriptions i come up with, Romance is about making one forget the list, broadening the horizons and taking love to new heights and deeper depths!

Those Letters. These Words.

LOVE LETTER Pictures, Images and Photos


Albert Einstein quote Pictures, Images and Photos

Love at its core is NOT complex or so intricate with detail that one can not discover its true meaning, beauty or worth...Loving you should be Easy! ; )

&&when i said it's "too hard", what i really meant is i can't trust you to love me back.

Monday, June 1, 2009

"When words fail, MUSIC SPEAKS"

Do you remember the time,
Michael Blared from our stereo
Exposing When We Fell In Love,
I remember my prince
Awaiting tears from doves
But Thank God, they never cried
Then Marvin sighed,
What’s going On
Cuz suddenly nothing was right
You claimed you needed healing
Said let’s get it on tonight,
But you could never hold me
So when you let go, I took flight

I remember those times
When everything rhymed
The wind blew music
And love just chimed
But if the key changed Alicia
She’d quickly find the words to our broken ballad
Putting up walls and stalling
Last Night Keyshia kept calling
So now I’ve changed my mind

I Don’t
So turn off the lights
Blow out the candles
And close the door
There’s blood on the dance floor
And Michael’s moon-walking on the sun
This Time “I hate you” sounds like an old re-run
Telling me to “run away, as far as I need to be safe”
But too often you forget that true love lives in every place
Except here
Nothing’s left, but ashes taking up space
I’ve let it burn and now it’s your turn to reminisce…

Please touch me like this
All I want is your kiss
If I had one wish
We’d be best friends, enemies and lovers, back to friends again
If I knocked on the door you would let me in
So many games we played, but we couldn’t win
History made, came to an end
Ice box, heart done froze again
Love fell down and knocked the wind right out of you
Happiness gone, put a spin on things you do
So I’m no longer “caught up in the rapture” or glue
How bout a round of applause, this award goes out to few….
After thanking the fans of course I can only give thanks to you
You just like me and
I am just like you
* So many songs were stuffed in here (did you catch 'em all? from Michael to Alicia, Keyshia Cole, to Teddy P., Marvin G., Prince, Brandy, James Fauntleroy& Jamie Foxx,etc)! Some of these joints hold memories & some taunt memories. Like Neyo, I was kinda SICK so yeah...this was the result! lol...

Paint Me A Picture & Color me BLACK!

Paint me a picture and color me BLACK
I want less in the front
More in the back
Take the strands of my hair
Don’t straighten my kinks
Not just a woman with curves
Make me a lady that thinks

I want youth like Angela
Basset like eyes
Influence like Oprah
Cheek bones High
Strength like Panthers
With Malcolm’s pride
PEACE like Martin
A million man stride

I want CHANGE like Obama
Intellect like Michelle
Love deep like a well
All Hale, the Black Queen Speaks!
All Rise, embrace shame with Defeat!

I want words like Maya
So Angelou’s of the world
Take a long hard look at America’s girl,
She is all grown up
Past the tears of abuse
Past the fear of progression
Yes SHE is your Muse

So paint me a picture and color me BLACK
Propel me forward
I refuse to sit back!

Like Rosa make me deliberate
Like History we out live it
So make me SING
Let all nations ring
Cuz this black girl
Is a BEAUTIFUL thing!

*Know, Love, Embrace Yourself, You are the standard!

Feb. 21, 2009