Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I'm a work in progress
I'm a seed grown into a flower
I'm a storm that's rising
Getting stronger with every hour
And god knows i ain't perfect
Tell me who in the world is
All i know is that i'm searching For somebody to love me with
These flaws i've got There all apart of who i am
Take me, Or not
Cuz i finally understand
I'm so done trying to be everything you want
And i had to stop
Cuz baby you ain't worth it if I've got to camouflage
For love, for love
No i won't camouflage
For love, for love I won't camouflage
I need a lot of improvement
Not even half way to destiny
But i'm a train that's moving
And everyday i'm picking up speed
And god knows you ain't perfect
So who are you to put pressure on me
That's why i'm still searching For somebody to love me with
I've learned from my mistakes
The only way you're gonna be happy Is if someone's down to take YOU
when it's good and it's bad you see
I tried giving half of me
In the end i came up empty
And that's why i'm searching, yeah, For somebody to love me with these flaws
So No it aint worth it, If I gotta Camouflage!
Baby, You aint worth it...If I gotta Camouflage!
such an "I AM WOMAN" joint!! lol...something every woman should have embedded within the crevaces of their being: "I WON'T CAMOUFLAGE"
for you OR love...it aint worth it! ;p
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
- I am someone who finds it easy to empower myself, yet more than anyone, i know how to Tear ME down!
- sometimes i feel like "MS. INDEPENDANT" and i love it; other times i despise it! That "processed" woman has been both trashed & glorified by society. On one hand, she is a woman who's got her Own; she walks & talks like a boss, BUT on the other hand...she is "too hard" or "too much to handle" because aside from the material things, her THOUGHTS are independant. She frees herself, knows herself, loves herself, and sometimes intimidate men, having them to think she only needs Herself! (wrong)
- I want to cut my hair Really short, BUT a part of me fears it'll drag me further into the "Ms. independant" Cliche'?! Or even worse, it'll bring me closer to the "typical" pile of women, enslaved by societal views.
- Sometimes, I feel safer sharing certain parts of ME with complete strangers than i do with some of the people i've known forever. It makes me question the poeple i know.
- People assume i'm cocky or snobby, or sadiddy, BUT IT's QUITE THE CONTRARY! When you've been through everything I've been through and had to tell Yourself "it'll be okay"....You walk with a sense of power, knowing IF NO ONE ELSE, I have MYSELF!
so rather than living up to falsified standards set by a negatively skewed society, i say we live up to our own POTENTIAL!
...and we are all potentially Great :)
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I was watching "Breaking all the Rules", and once Gabrielle Union realized she was done with her man (fine Morris!) she was also done with her hair?! lol, & as if it was some secret code for "there's a problem"...Morris automatically knew what to expect! He even mentioned that when a woman cuts her hair, she's taking up a personal offense with a man?!! So she cuts off Morris, and typicality follows: The beautician Cuts off her hair:
And When Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian split up (for those everlasting "Five days", lol), she changed her hair; some say for the better?! What do you think???
Even in the teeny bopper world: When Miley Cyrus & Nick Jonas's Relationship headed for the deep/dark end....so did her image & hair color?!!! She expressed: "she was a different person when she was with him, & she just needed to change things up again"??!
And while I have Never changed my image for or because of a break up, in 2004, when my close friend Thai died, THE VERY NEXT DAY, i had my (already colored hair) swooped forward in an extremely 80z meets lisa turtles bangs, Hair-do, with Neon Orange tights, a freshly ripped & distressed jean jacket and an oversized T-shirt...AS I HEADED TO CHURCH!!!! The crazy/funny thing was, Everybody Loved it (i even had older people reminiscing on their teen years & swapping Michael jackson, concerts and "sneaking out the house" stories??....& to think I did it all myself; i've never had a more "creative" & spontaneous moment in my life?! LMBO....So idk, what is it that makes a women ALTER herself when she/we find ourselves "cutting him off"?!!!
Ok so i actually love her look in this pic, but still, What is up?!
don't forget to turn off the music player below.
lol...so yeah, I get all excited when I see people still showing love to MJ!!! =D
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
when you're alone and hurting
when your life has passed you by
When you're tired of crying
and all your tears have run dry
if you need someone, my love
HE'll be by your side
we're all looking for a Change in The Weather
change in the weather - Josiah Bell
So if you watch HAWTHORNE (starring Jada pinkett-Smith) you heard Josiah singing at the end of Tuesday Night's season finale!! I've been folloiwng this guy for yrs! Feels like watching a blossoming flower; you've made no real contributions to it's beauty yet you still feel Proud! =D
*one of the most beautiful songs i've ever heard! He's an awesome songwriter...
only makes sense that he networks/ sometimes shares the stage with PJ Morton!!
You Mean the World - Josiah Bell
I just can't find that perfect line for you
i'm like a rhymeless poet trying to describe the moon
what I can say is you mean the world to Me!
his voice is butta babe ;)
definitely Check him out!!!!!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Smoke disappears to reveal these fallen ashes
And like the past, they tell the story of what was
Perhaps they are the embers of shooting stars,
The remains of crashing cars as they collapse two driving forces
They are the remnants of broken hearts
Perhaps they are two lovers torn too far,
The residue of bruises and scars
They are the trails of faded tears
And with the passing of years,
The debris of memories come crashing down
Lesson learned as I stand facing the black and gray
I close my eyes
Say my goodbyes and blow the ashes away……….
*Ashes, Ashes…We all fall down
In a relationship, two lovers get nowhere…year after year they revert to a game of tug of war, a push and pull of emotions as they waste each other’s time. They are going in circles on a bumpy rollercoaster ride when suddenly love so hot, becomes too hot to handle. The smoke clears and only ashes remain…they fall to the wayside in shame. Love dies; the cause: the game.
I’m reminded of a playground game in which we all make rings around the “rosies”; and while I am not sure of the mentioned “tosies”, the song blatantly proclaims: WE ALL FALL DOWN!!
For some reason, what appears to be an innocent game of circles suddenly turns deadly as we become ashes falling to the ground?! While no child is concerned with the concept or consequence of the game, I had to stop and laugh at the message. The song produces no happy ending; instead it is a definite fall after a game of circles!
So I’m sure I have you thinking in so many directions and perhaps you’re wondering how and why I even decided to tamper with a school ground nursery rhyme?! Well, like preschool children, adults succumb to playing games! These games are played in relationships, in our spiritual walks with Christ, the workforce, etc. However, like the song implies, we can only go in circles, but so long! After a while, everyone playing the game gets burned and like ashes…
*Everything in my blog is "original" unless stated...meaning i'm tired of "signing" my name!! lol
So we talk for about an hour AND A HALF! lol we even discuss his desire to join the army & how i don't "support" those kind of "notions", etc....until i mention i have to go to class; he offers to walk me to class & ask for my Number: I SAY NO! but he keeps asking even saying "we have a lot more to talk about...i feel like you're exactly the person i need to talk to about whether i should go to the army or not"!! BOO-FREAKIN-HOO i give in right?! So he calls that night....SAYS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT THE ARMY...only ask if i'm a "real church girl" because "we're the freakiest"??? What The?!! starts telling me he can "please me" I LAUGHED & LITERALLY CALLED HIM an EMP (demon)!!! LMBO...i told him i had to go because his conversation was TOO inappropriate & besides "i'm involved with someone" && HE had nerve to bust me out & say "WHO JESUS"???
LMBO well Dang YES JESUS!!! AND ;-p
Next day: He's Waiting outside of my class!!!! i say hi & go in...when i come out he's gone!!!Next day He's sitting at The EXact same Table he met me at (i would sit there everyday!!)....So i bypass.....later that day i go into the library & he's there so i leave!! LMBO....mind you he has been calling & texting "just to say Hi" or "good morning/goodnight" never anything too long, but Still!!! So weeks go by & i never see him, only an occasional "good night or i miss talking to you (we only spoke Once!??).
For some reason i'm scared!!! ...to the point i would always have someone on the phone with me while walking to my car at night (my guy friends started getting annoyed saying i only called when i was afraid i'd be raped?! lol)!!! One day *he calls & leaves a msg...."i didn't want anything, but i just don't understand what happened to us, we use to be cool & now i can't even FIND you....next time i call, you should pick up...even if we don't say nothing; i just wanna know you breathing"!!!! LMBO i nearly remember that WORD FOR WORD!!!!
So by now I'm TERRIFIED "i can't even FIND you"??! What the....that means he's looking!!!! so about 2/3 days after the msg. i'm sitting at the table where we met for the 1st time since we met (stupid)& i'm on the phone telling a friend about the whole thing (oh the freaking IRONY!!!!) when suddenly two arms are down on the table, hovering over me like prison bars!!! lmbo (he wasn't skinny, but his arms just appeared & made me feel like a HOSTAGE!!) so i go OFF & tell him he don't know me, don't walk up on me like that, etc!!!
He's with his friend & totally blows off the fact that i went off & simply Introduces me: shandra this is *Trey. Trey this my girl Shandra"??!! WHAT THE??!!! so i bust him out & say, we Had ONE conversation...i don't Know you!!! (just going off right...&& all the while my friend is on hold nearly hyperventilating from Laughing So hard?!!) ...so then He tells me, he's having a special service at his church, drops the address (oMg it was literally Blocks away from my house!!!!) and says next time i don't have to be soo mean; he'll talk to me later, "i gotta go, but call me when you get home"???!!
We never spoke or saw each other after that, but I definitely Concluded he was CRAZY/PSYCHOTIC!!! It was as if he literally created a whole world/relationship in his head!!! & the way he "kept his composure" in front of his friend like I was the Crazy Girlfriend or something!!! lmbo...To this day His number is in my phone with a SIREN as the ring tone Just in case he ever "pops up" again!!!...and it's been a few yrs, but Idk, he scared the mess out of me!!! lmbo...probably why I changed my major to PSYCHOLOGY!!! ;)
My friend just brought up all this DRAMA a few months ago; it seems to be her "go-to" moment of laughter whenever she's bored!! =/ && I was only motivated to give this crazy guy "air time" because of the girls at ALMOST FAMOUS latest blog: OBSESSED!!! http://www.theafgirls.com/
I suggest you read theirs as well!!! ;D
Sunday, August 16, 2009
"The Time Traveler’s Wife follows a man (Eric Bana) who spontaneously time travels. The story, which is based on the bestselling novel by Audrey Niffenegger, deals with the complications his affliction causes to his relationship as he pursues a normal life with the woman he loves (Rachel McAdams), appearing and disappearing throughout the timeline of her life".
After watching this movie, I realized that although we may never have enough time, LOVE.IS.ALWAYS! & When we truly have love, it never dies...we could race to the end of time, sprint past infinity and find that LOVE is the only survivor!
So then I realized, while true LOVE is guaranteed a shot at forever, relationships are NOT....relationships Fail. People are not perfect and niether is love. BUT real LOVE is beautified in imperfection, so i suppose i want to know: WERE SOME OF US IN LOVE...Or were we simply in "RELATIONSHIP"???
...and they say hindsight bias knows best ;)
Friday, August 14, 2009
So many cute/funny things in here!! lol...just makes you love and laugh till you almost want to cry, but then you just get mad thinking about that doggone Doctor!!!
x-/ .......SO THEN you watch it again, just to remember how funny/cute it is!! awww lol
i've seen this a billion times & that coat hanger part still gets me going!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
WAIT...even still, the mind may be winning for the moment, but the suppression of feelings means the heart is still bleeding love and like a come down from a drug, we go through withdrawals. And every addict knows: simply quiting does not mean the fight is over! So heeey, i'll spit those words again: "be careful, when the heart loses a battle, it only signifies the battle isn't over"! Eventually the heart wins anyway as we learn that love is much more than what we've been given (or giving)! So in the end, we teach ourselves to "start over"! && back to the beginning we go...with my ♥ leading the way :)
You know a blog is good stuff if it has you breaking down thoughts and holding two-sided conversations all by yourself!! lmbo. STARZ: she writes everything "with love"! Check her out http://withlovestarz.blogspot.com/
#19 on playlist!!
"I Feel Bad"
I should be out in that driveway stopping you
Tears should be rolling down my cheek
And I don't know why I'm not falling apart
Like I usually do
And how the thought of losing you's not killing me
I feel bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
I can let myself be angry over wasted time
And sad about just throwing love away
Yeah I almost wish my heart was breaking
But I cant lie
All I want to do is turn the page
I feel Bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad
That I don't feel bitter, alone
I just feel its time, its time to move on
I just gotta move on and on and on and on
Baby it's just I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
No, I don't feel bad :)
Last line of the song is the sweetest!
I listened to Rascal Flatts years ago & i've been in love with country music ever since!
#96 on the playlist!!
"Goodbye Chocolate People"!!! lmbo && the whole Jennifer Anistan reference had me going too! Now, i've never really watched 'Family Guy' too much at all, but I just so happened to be "Chocolate" so yeah, i'm pulling the "flavor card" & supporting my people! ;-p lol...OH & Sanaa Lathan plays the Voice of his "high school sweetheart" while "Zaria" (from "Parenthood")plays the voice of the step daughter! So i don't know, i'll tune in on Sept. 27th and see how it goes!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
At age 25, he dropped Thriller, and 25 years later, we dropped our jaws in shock as we sat glued to our television sets: "Michael Jackson, the King of Pop is dead". Every channel was reporting repetitive messages and as if the repetition needed to be drilled into the comprehensive parts of our brains, we listened, hanging on to the very strings the media used to keep us all tuned in. And suddenly, it wasn't just the media.
After years of failed attempts at success, desperate cries for attention have now morphed, over night, into "acceptance of anything thrown their way"! Joe Jackson says "yes, Omar Bhatti is his son", Jermaine seems to be interviewing every other morning and La Toya...well she's just La Toya: always thriving and surviving,...because of Michael. So "because of Michael"....we all seem to be in a fast forward motion when really i just want to PAUSE!! I can care less whether he "biologically" participated in the conception of his children or whether he had hair on his head during the autopsy?! I don't want to dig up another "probable love child" or "could've been/ should've beens" wanting to be his prodigy!! I just want to grieve and most importantly remember the man who changed the entire scope of American/World MUSIC! And eventually, i want to move on....and as bittersweet as that may sound...i'm just tired of being emotionally bullied by all the drama! Every tabloid, all the magazines, every lie, every truth...just PAUSE and let the man 'rest in peace'...or at least in LOVE.
And I suppose, it is TRUE: Michael Jackson has always been a giver, even after death. To his children, he left his money, but to his family....he left his fame!
AND NO this is NOT a "jackson family" bash! I love the Jackson 5/the entire jackson family! This is just a "tell it like it IS" moment...and soon this moment will be gone; i'll be over the "just in news" regarding La Toya...tomorrow will arrive and just like today...i'll remember the time when we fell in love: before the tabloids and after he moonwalked right into our little hearts :)lol... i get all "mushy, gushy mya angelou" when it comes to Michael...smh just bullied i tell you! &&& i realize i have been covering MJ since the day before his death, but geez...lol...alright, alright i'm working on it... (lol..no, not so much)
*disclaimer for the "blog title" ;D
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
i feel like we're back in grade school and someone just called role
except i'm present..and you're not
and then i realized...you've missed a lot
i almost state my presence in shame
i sit there looking at the doors to life
wondering if this is all a game i never chose to play
still if you were here, you'd only say "smile"
you'd remind me of my tears and the stains they leave on my face
you'd remind me i'm no longer in grade school
...i've come a long way
still without you the way is hard
and with you i know i'd only disregard the reality of TODAY
but what am i to say
when they call your name
when the role is called and you're not here
my fear is that we'll all forget
or maybe we'll remove you from the list
you'd think after so long i'd be past all this
but you're not "present" so how do i get past the past
and how do we make the memories outlast the sorrow
how do i live through today when for you there's no tomorrow
if only i could borrow forever...
i'd never let you go...
when the hurt disappears guilt fills it's place trying hard to keep you near
and like shears reality cuts in
i cannot hold on to what is gone
and though my heart is as empty as the space between my fingers
i clench to dear life
i am here and you are not
it's been so long, but i aint forgot
we used to be yep..you-and-me
a past so full of destiny
a love plus one and eternity....
*life is like a journey and love is like a book....eventually it all ends...
but in your absence, i'll "pretend" we've only "paused"
Monday, August 10, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
&& they are in no particular order (that would be too hard...narrowing down 20 is hard enough!!)
1. Can you stand the Rain: New Edition
2. Remember the Time: Michael Jackson
3. Amazing: Luther Vandross
4. This feeling: PJ Morton
5. Purple Rain: Prince
6. Inner City Blues: Mr. Marvin Gaye
7. You Send Me-Thee Sam Cooke
8. Count it All Joy: The Winans Family
9. Smile- Nat King Cole
10. Between the lines: Sara Bareiles
11. Heartless: Kanye
12. Nothing Even Matters: Lauryn Hill
13. Holes: Rascal Flatts
14. Tracks of Tears: Smokey Robinson (& the Miracles)
15. Jesus Gave Me Water: Sam Cooke & the Soul Stirrers
16. It's You: Jesse Powell
17. Free Fallin': John Mayer
18. This Time: James Fauntleroy (loves loves loves his work!)
19. Rock With You: Michael Jackson
20. Pink: Dear Mr. President
*bonus (lol as in HOW COULD I FORGET!!!) ANOTHER AGAIN: John Legend (i wear that song Out!)
Goodness this was soooo Hard; I wanted Jackson5 AND OF COURSE BRANDY (my fav female vocalist/artist of all time!)on here BAD, but couldn't narrow down a song without wanting to haul a whole albums worth!! lol...
SO, What's your Hotlist 20??! I TAG YOU ALL!! :)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
i hope you have a good day; did i say i love you
you're lookin' mighty fine, matta fact you look that way all the time,
but i'm just saying this in my mind
taking it forgranted that the world is going round
it's just spinnin' round & round, that's why....
I Don't need a Valentine's day to tell you how much I love you
don't need an anniversary to tell you how much I care
Don't need a Holiday to tell you how i feel
all i need is Today
Congratulations, for all the big moves you makin'
inspite adversity you're facin
i'm so proud of you
i'll tell you how i feel, we'll have a deep conversation
except this is just my imagination
some how i've got to tell you cuz the world is spinnin' round...
That's why I don't need a Valentine's day to tell how much I love you
don't need an anniversary to tell you how much i care
don't need a Holiday to tell you how i feel
all I need....
All I need is Today...Today....
Hey, all I need is TODAY :)
Written, arranged, and performed by grammy award winning songwriter from New Orleans: PJ MORTON!! happens to be one of my favorite artist. If you're interested in hearing the song, it's #78 on my playlist (bottom of pg)!! He is responsible for songs like "Interested" by India.Arie, "Dear John" by Musiq SoulChild, and a few others.....